Sunday, October 1, 2017

i <heart> nfl: orrin hatch

As we enter Week 4, players kneeling for the national anthem and the tweets of our Unforced Error dominated the NFL bandwidth, with owners discussing social issues with players, celebrities getting in on the action, and angry men burning jerseys. The Atlanta Falcons and Golden State's Steph Curry are wondering if the meaning of the protests has been lost, only to be replaced by some feel-good concept of Unity. Yes, it has.

TNF: Amazon shipped a football game in which da distracted boyfriends Bears butterfingered their way to a loss against division rival GB Pack while committing the season's most atrocious penalty so far.

Sun 9:30am: I do say, it seems that Puffing Jay Cutler hosts Drew Brees and the Saints to take on Miami at Wembley Stadium, London.

1pm: My beloved Ravens look to beef up security since they are onto the chicanery of rat bastard Ben Roethlisberger and his Yinzburg Steelers. Can the N-Y-J-E-T-S name five starters against a resurgent Jax Jags squadron? The Lions continue to explore the space of losing due to obscure NFL rules as they look to light it up against the wheel-spinning Minnie Vikes. After technically winningthe best kind of winning, my Dirty Birds are pulling their hair out before a visit from the Buffalo Bills. Cam Newton and his Panthers will wobble against the NE Pats, whose stadium is charging $4.50 for tap water, quite a price for sunburn protection.

4pm-ish: After losing $32K FTW last week, the Philadelphia Eagles look to unmask the LA Superchargers on the cheap, while Los Angeles' StubHub Center will attempt Chargers/Eagles fandom parity. Will the NYFG find something to celebrate as they retire to the Tampa Bay Bucs? 

SNF: The Colts will fire up The Brisket against a Seattle defense that is recently not quite as dominant, leaving fans wondering if Flex Scheduling should start earlier in the season, as the nation contemplates this duel between 1-2 teams. 

MNF: The 3-0 KC Reidskins host the Washington [Redacted] at Arrowhead Stadium where DC plans to unsheath the Chris Army Knife.

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