Sunday, December 27, 2015

i <heart> nfl: court

This abbreviated post comes compliments of holiday travel and free wifi at the ATL airport. If you're itching for something more to read this Sunday, check out Drew Magary lambasting the show of moving teams to Los Angeles.

Get out the way!

TNF: Oakland said goodbye to Charles Woodson's Hall of Fame career as well as their NFL franchise as they topped future roommates San Diego Superchargers in overtime.

SatNF: The lights went out on the Philadelphia Eagles playoff hopes as YOU SPIKE THAT!? the DC Fightin' Snyders are going back to the playoffs.

Sun 1pm: Silver-toed QB Cam Newton and his Carolina Panthers are up to bat against my Millennium FalconsIn Bill de Blasio's New York, beggars will get jobs, as the J-E-T-S host the NE Pats and their Jolly Rancher of a head coach. The Cleveland Browns can improve this off-season by replacing them with barnyard chickens, as they battle the KC Reidskins, who are still alive for postseason contention. The Dallas Cowboys start some little bitty dude against the zaniest fans in football.

SNF: ODB won't be lighting up the field against the Minnie Vikes, who are vying for the last NFC wildcard spot.

MNF: The Denver Broncos can earn a return to the playoff if their offense quits ruining scoring opportunities, as they host the Cincy Bagels.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

i <heart> nfl: coney

With Xmas around the corner, all but ten teams are still hoping Santa will bring them a trip to the playoffs, with just the Pats, Panthers, and Zony Cards having punched their tickets and seven others mathematically eliminated. For guidance in these uncertain times, consider the crazy playoff scenarios in which your team could still make it (Falcons at 0.7%, I like those odds!). Otherwise, here's the exact date your favorite team failed you. Oh, and just to make sure nothing gets too exciting around here, this week features a mere *one* game between two teams with winning records.

Look at these bandwagoners

TNF: Mustard bested ketchup as the condiment of champions as the last NFL game in St Louis eliminated the TB Bucs from playoff contention. 

SatNF: The NY J-E-T-S descend to Jerryland, welcomed by a 'Boys squadron going balls out for a much-needed win to get to that coveted 4-way NFC East tie. [Ed's Note: they did not get it]

SNF 1pm (Misconduct Tavern, Center City, Philly): The Pats' QB and hilarious moron Tom Brady looks to complete many passes to TE and Human Jock Jam the Gronk by exploiting the Titans' habit of taking some plays offThe saddest divisional showdown takes place in the AFC South, where the 6-7 Indy and Texas Houstons showcase their third string QBs. The only things worth watching in this bout between my beloved Ravens and KC Reidskins are Steve Smith trash-talking Santa and a rare Alex Smith throwing errorAs a result of Bills' RB LeSean McCoy leaving his head and heart on the dance floor, last week he hung up the telephone on former coach Chip Kelly, and now must rely on a defense of asses in a battle against the Washington Jizz Underwear, whose most supportive fans are themselvesWhile my Dirty Birds are too stubborn to succeed and feature a defense consisting of ghosts, unimpressive Jaguars QB Blake Bortles and company look to give them yet another botched snap touchdownNYFGHC Tom Coughlin should pop right back up after his team is crushed by the Panthers today.

4pm-ish: Perhaps Heinz field will be more welcoming of our religious diversity than the Q, as your featured matchup between two winning teams features the Yinzburgh Stillers hosting the Broncos. The GB Packers and QB Obi-Wan Kenobi step into the Black Hole to face the soon-to-be-former Oakland Raiders. Unlike the Falcons, the Seattle Seahawks are the quickest to admit their mistakes, yet still start shit QB Russell Wilson against the Cleveland Browns and their QB Money Manziel.

SNF: Stuck in a 3-way tie for first place with a losing record, the Philadelphia Iggles could achieve separation as they host the playoff-bound Zony Cards.

MNF: In a meaningless game to everyone, with (almost) no possible playoff implications, the Nawlins Saints host the D'town Lions.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

i <heart> nfl: jamaica

Given the temperature outside, you'd be forgiven for forgetting this weekend has *playoff* implications, but here we are! Bringing you up to speed for your Week 14 Action, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell thinks concussions are hilarious. A blue-ribbon committee has been formed to determine just what a catch is. More extra point attempts were missed last week than all of last season. And the NO Saints score the first defensive 2-point conversion in NFL history.

So much for the twig and berries

TNF: The Zony Cards squeaked out a playoff spot as they defeated the Minnie Vikes with a last-minute fieldgoal.

Sun 1pm (PJ Leahy's, LIC, NYC): After the failing of the cover nobody defense, the Ryan brothers reunite in the City of Apropos Love against a thirsty Iggles squadron whose HC Chip Kelly is hated by both current and former RBs. The undefeated 13-1 Panthers host my Dirty Birds, who need to step up both looks to WR Julio Jones and their half-assed defense. The San Fran Hungry Hungry Hippos travel to the Factory of Sadness, where the Cleveland Browns will restart their alcoholic QB. Da Bears host the Washington Redksins and their Positive Polly quarterback. Far from a night at the opera, my beloved Ravens have a chance to achieve sadness history if backup backup QB Jimmy Clausen again gets shut out by the Seattle Seahawks.

4pm-ish: Dallas Cowboys WR Dez Bryant will attempt to define the catch without the aid of technology against the GB Pack. And the Denver Broncos entertain the unrecognizable Oakland Juggalos.

SNF: With the Houstons' networking skills, one would surmise the JJ Watts' social engagements more than "Netflix. No Chill" as NE Pats star WR Tom Brady tries to ban them from the playoffs and make America great again.

MNF: With a three way 5-7 tie for 1st place, the horrible NFC East  is once again featured on MNF as NYFGHC Tom Coughlin reaches his optimal pulse rate against the MIA Fins. 

Sunday, December 6, 2015

i <heart> nfl: norwood

Please pardon the tardiness of this email/blog post, as I am currently at an altitude of 30k feet returning from a friend's wedding in the A. Since most of this was written on a plane, I figure posting it from a plane would be appropriate as well. Enjoy the action!

TNF: Not to be outsaddened by the Browns, the D'town Lion went and lost on a 70-yard Hail Mary delivered by the QB Aaron Rodgers and the GB Packers.

1pm (Hartsfield-Jackson-Andre3000 International Airport): Injuries will abound for both MIA and my beloved Ravens now that Ndamukong Suh runs the Fins’ defense and their questionably elite QB Ryan Tannehill is making throws that put their receivers in danger. After last week's kick six, the woeful Cleveland Browns and whoever at QB entertain the dominant Cincy Bagels. The fashionable Zony Cards won’t just kiss StL Rams’ HC Jeff Fisher’s ass, but go ahead and eat it as well. The Bills try not to break down against the JJ WattsNow that RB Devonta Freeman has returned to my Dirty Birds’ lineup from concussion protocol, the Falcons will have ample opportunities for Red Zone turnovers against a TB Bucs team that does not accept the opinions of fucking sheep, okay!? This season’s Snoopy Bowl features Charlie Brown cleats and New York franchises on the bubble of the postseason. Since he's white, TE Travis Kelce and the KC Reidskins can dance all over the imminent LA Raiders as they continue to not fuck up.

4pm-ish: After throwing their previous game, the newly-defeated NE Pats and pissed off QB Tom Brady face off against a Philadelphia Iggles squadron, directed from the hot seat by HC Chip Kelly. Brock Osweiler and the Denver Broncos look to troll their way to a victory against the also-imminent LA Superchargers. The Auburn pay-for-play scandal seems to be the only think that can wipe the smile off the face of Panthers QB Cam Newton, who looks to remain undefeated and improve to 12-1 against the Nawlins Aints, whose best fantasy player is the kicker

SNF: All I want for xmas is some flex scheduling since the Yinzburgh Stillers and Indy are terrible teams that may yet make the playoffs.

MNF: Although Tony Romo wasn’t the Cowboy that choked on Thanksgiving, you like that Dallas’ playoff hopes look dim in December as they battle division rival DC Fightin' Snyders.

Thursday, December 3, 2015


It may seem that I've just been watching football instead of doing anything physics-y recently, but that's not true! Finishing tomorrow is a conference hosted by IBM Research called "ThinkQ 2015: Challenges and Applications for Medium Size Quantum Computers," which Graeme Smith (@quantum_graeme) and myself (@nickbronn) have been live-tweeting. The conference speakers are leaders from a wide range of experimental implementations and theory, both from academia and government/industry, all speaking to the challenges and usefulness of a medium size (~ 100 logical qubit) quantum computer. Join us tomorrow for the final half day, and peruse our tweets to see the conversation that's been happening! (I'll disable my Twitter access to Facebook so that I don't lose any more friends for posting science-y stuff).