Sunday, December 6, 2015

i <heart> nfl: norwood

Please pardon the tardiness of this email/blog post, as I am currently at an altitude of 30k feet returning from a friend's wedding in the A. Since most of this was written on a plane, I figure posting it from a plane would be appropriate as well. Enjoy the action!

TNF: Not to be outsaddened by the Browns, the D'town Lion went and lost on a 70-yard Hail Mary delivered by the QB Aaron Rodgers and the GB Packers.

1pm (Hartsfield-Jackson-Andre3000 International Airport): Injuries will abound for both MIA and my beloved Ravens now that Ndamukong Suh runs the Fins’ defense and their questionably elite QB Ryan Tannehill is making throws that put their receivers in danger. After last week's kick six, the woeful Cleveland Browns and whoever at QB entertain the dominant Cincy Bagels. The fashionable Zony Cards won’t just kiss StL Rams’ HC Jeff Fisher’s ass, but go ahead and eat it as well. The Bills try not to break down against the JJ WattsNow that RB Devonta Freeman has returned to my Dirty Birds’ lineup from concussion protocol, the Falcons will have ample opportunities for Red Zone turnovers against a TB Bucs team that does not accept the opinions of fucking sheep, okay!? This season’s Snoopy Bowl features Charlie Brown cleats and New York franchises on the bubble of the postseason. Since he's white, TE Travis Kelce and the KC Reidskins can dance all over the imminent LA Raiders as they continue to not fuck up.

4pm-ish: After throwing their previous game, the newly-defeated NE Pats and pissed off QB Tom Brady face off against a Philadelphia Iggles squadron, directed from the hot seat by HC Chip Kelly. Brock Osweiler and the Denver Broncos look to troll their way to a victory against the also-imminent LA Superchargers. The Auburn pay-for-play scandal seems to be the only think that can wipe the smile off the face of Panthers QB Cam Newton, who looks to remain undefeated and improve to 12-1 against the Nawlins Aints, whose best fantasy player is the kicker

SNF: All I want for xmas is some flex scheduling since the Yinzburgh Stillers and Indy are terrible teams that may yet make the playoffs.

MNF: Although Tony Romo wasn’t the Cowboy that choked on Thanksgiving, you like that Dallas’ playoff hopes look dim in December as they battle division rival DC Fightin' Snyders.

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