Sunday, November 25, 2018

i <heart> nfl: week 12

Since my team is doing so poorly, I need to feel better by looking at teams way worse than mine. So in that interest, here's a two-fer for the NY JETS.

Thanksgiving: One of the more successful NFC North franchises defeated the Detroit Lions while they were yelling at you to sit up straight at the Thanksgiving dinner table. Stuck with a Colt McCoy under center the Washington [Redacted] fell to the Dallas Cowboys. I am not thankful about my Dirty Birds performance against the NO Saints, while Falcons WR Mohamed Sanu is thankful for the life of Stan Lee.

Sun 1pm: The NYF Giants know it's only crazy until you do it against last week's Ass Team of the Week in the Philly Eagles. After achieving pick-six/touchdown parity, the Nathan Peterman era in Buffalo is officially over, as the Bills continue to be inspired by Tecmo Bowl play calls and dildos on the field, as they host a Jax Jags squadron whose defense is let down by the lack of offense. The Ravens find a spitting image of Louisville's playbook to make QB Lamar Jackson the playmaker that Joe Flacco has not been for some time, as they host an Oakland Raiders franchise whose QB/HC combo wears the score on their faces.

4pm-ish: Will the Yinzburgh Steelers find it challenging to contain the Denver Broncos pass rush from spooking QB Ben Roethlisberger? 

SNF: It is GB Packers QB Aaron Rodgers' first game back in the Minnesota Avicide Center since his collarbone was broken there last season, as these two teams continue to foolishly chase bears. 

MNF: The Texas Houstons mourn the loss of their somewhat controversial owner as they host the Tennessee Titans.

Sunday, November 18, 2018

i <heart> nfl: week 11

Well we've finished product roughly on time once again! Enjoy.

TNF: In some classic Mike McCarthy game mismanagement, the Packers once again dropped the ball against the Seattle Seahawks.

Sun 1pm: The Tampa Bay Bucs look to improve on their scoring ratio of 1 point per 167 yards against the suddenly entertaining NYF Giants. Hopefully my Dirty Birds will take their opponent seriously this week, coming in the form the Double J's Cowboys. The Tennessee Titans, a quantum superposition of contender and pretender, look to antagonize an Indy Colts franchise whose O-line is keeping Andrew Luck vertical for onceDoes the fact that the Pittsburgh Raiders have been successfully held out against change their game plan against a Jax Jags squadron that is back to looking like their comical selves of lateWe may get some classic RGIII action as the Ravens may need to lean on their backup backup QB against division rival Cincy Bagels. As a Bill Belichick coaching product, Matt Patricia had his D'town Lions practice in the snow in preparation for their next four indoor games, the first of which is against the Carolina Panthers.

4pm-ish: Intentional grounding on 4th down is not just a metaphor for the Oakland Raiders season, but is also the product on the field as they visit the Zony Cards.

SNF: Can the Bears trust Mitchy Trubes against division rival Minnie Vikes?

MNF: The KC Reidskins look to improve on their 9-1 coin toss record as QB Patrick Mahomes, and his presidential appetite for ketchup, recovers from being killed by his virtual self against the LA Rams.