tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59031782469714127312024-02-13T20:15:43.014-05:00technically correct... the best kind of correctnickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.comBlogger106125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-40421517028321467622019-02-03T16:54:00.000-05:002019-02-03T16:54:31.197-05:00i <heart> nfl: super bowl liii!!!<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What:</b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> Super Bowl LIII between the Los Angeles Rams and the </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Patriots is a rematch of Super Bowl </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #232323;">XXXVI, which was the first championship won by NE. <b>Advantage Patriots.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>When:</b> Kickoff is at 6:30pm EST (CBS)<span style="color: #232323;"> where</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #232526; letter-spacing: 0.5px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #232526; letter-spacing: 0.5px;">Jim Nantz will call his fifth Super Bowl accompanied former Cowboys quarterback and <a href="https://deadspin.com/lets-all-calm-down-about-tony-romo-1831993023">commentating sage</a> Tony Romo, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/30/18203782/tony-romo-super-bowl-53-pick-prediction-patriots-rams">who knows the score will be 28-24 with the loser having the last possession</a>, but won't say who. <b>Push.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Who:</b> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2019/1/29/18202109/tom-brady-known-cheater-graphic-pittsburgh-tv-station">Known cheater</a> Tom Brady and his New England Patriots versus the <a href="https://theramswire.usatoday.com/2018/11/01/nfl-rams-michael-brockers-jeff-fisher-record/">formerly 7-9 St. Louis Rams</a>. Now coached by <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/31/sports/sean-mcvay-los-angeles-rams-super-bowl-liii.html">noted millennial</a> Sean McVay, the Rams are one of the most entertaining teams to watch. <b>Advantage Rams.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Where:</b> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drsQLEU0N1Y">ATL Georgia, what do we do for ya?</a> inside of <a href="https://deadspin.com/megatrons-butthole-to-remain-clenched-1797265016">Megatron's butthole</a>, which yours truly still has yet to visit. <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/29/18200512/atlanta-super-bowl-ice-storms-2000-history">No ice storm</a> this go around, and Atlantans are <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/2/2/18205961/super-bowl-2019-patriots-vs-rams-fans-falcons-rooting-interest">definitely cheering against New England</a>. <b>Advantage Rams.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>How: </b>Both teams were number two seeds in their respective conferences, finishing off the number one seeds in astonishingly close matchups. </span></span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Push.</b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Why:</b></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4m6W31j05YRve6zVllonF6LNGmGK4ssiwkJ7u9a-FfmR125C7dtqmv-Upm_BF_ym2pzg5hED1cKLzt_GUbdY2GivxKCG_BB2yZ5H7KPvBsa7v-lQK1_y63HUol_9N9itK1OmM9lg68ZE5/s1600/5c452e1a2bdd7f21573659a2-750-375.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4m6W31j05YRve6zVllonF6LNGmGK4ssiwkJ7u9a-FfmR125C7dtqmv-Upm_BF_ym2pzg5hED1cKLzt_GUbdY2GivxKCG_BB2yZ5H7KPvBsa7v-lQK1_y63HUol_9N9itK1OmM9lg68ZE5/s640/5c452e1a2bdd7f21573659a2-750-375.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Advantage Rams.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Offense: </b>New England and Los Angeles posses the top two offenses this season. <b>Push.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Defense: </b>While both good, Los Angeles has <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/23/18193231/rams-defense-saints-aaron-donald-ndamukong-suh-dante-fowler-super-bowl-2019">a terrifying trio</a> that should be able to provide the interior pressure the Patriots are vulnerable to.<b> Advantage Rams.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Ownership:</b> <a href="https://bleacherreport.com/articles/2818813-robert-kraft-says-donald-trump-very-supportive-of-patriots-in-super-bowl">Friend of our Unforced National Error</a> Bob Kraft owns the Patriots while Rams owner and <a href="https://deadspin.com/dont-forget-that-rams-owner-stan-kroenke-is-a-shitbird-1832176300">shitbird</a> Stan Kroenke uprooted the Rams from their previous St. Louis home. <b>Push.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Entertainment:</b> Maroon 5, a vanilla band that's <a href="https://www.vulture.com/2019/02/super-bowl-2019-colin-kaepernicks-attorney-slams-maroon-5.html">willing to perform</a> the Super Bowl halftime while <a href="https://www.thedailybeast.com/cardi-b-turned-down-super-bowl-gig-to-stand-behind-colin-kaepernick">most artists are boycotting</a> due to the <a href="https://nesn.com/2019/01/colin-kaepernicks-attorney-slams-roger-goodell-for-comments-on-qbs-nfl-prospects/">league's blackballing of Colin Kaepernick</a> for kneeling during the national anthem, are from LA. <b>Advantage Rams.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Fans:</b> Patriots fans <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/29/18192753/patriots-rooting-fan-guide-super-bowl-history-tom-brady">know they're the worst</a>, and <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/rams/2018/01/07/stan-kroenke-rams-dont-have-true-home-field-advantage/1010963001/">the Rams don't have any</a>, but since they're playing the Patriots, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/31/18202834/nfl-fans-rooting-poll-super-bowl-2019-los-angeles-rams-new-england-patriots">everyone outside of New England</a> will be rooting for them. <b>Advantage Rams.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Honesty:</b> The Rams admit they <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2019/1/21/18191040/rams-saints-pass-interference-super-bowl-53">caught a break</a> in the NFC Championship game while a <a href="https://www.nbcsports.com/boston/patriots/kid-wins-school-science-fair-project-tom-brady-cheating-deflategate">10-year old's science fair project</a> proved that Tom Brady lied about deflating footballs. <b>Advantage Rams.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Narrative:</b> There is <a href="https://deadspin.com/theres-nothing-to-say-about-this-super-bowl-1832198329">nothing</a> to talk about here. <b>Advantage Patriots.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Mascots:</b> In a fight, a real Ram <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2019/2/1/18196404/super-bowl-2019-real-ram-versus-real-patriot">should be able to take down</a> a real Patriot. The Patriots mascot also was recently <a href="https://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/jets/ny-sports-patriots-super-bowl-jets-gronkowski-adams-20190129-story.html">crashed into by a Jet</a>. <b>Advantage Rams.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Age:</b> Quarterbacks Jared Goff is 24 years old and Tom Brady is 41, and head coaches Bill Belichick is 66 years old and <a href="https://www.truetoast.com/football-millennial-leader-coach-sean-mcvay/">noted millennial</a> Sean McVay is 33, in this matchup of experience versus innovation. <b>Push.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Jerseys:</b> Rams are wearing throwback in the Super Bowl, and Pats are wearing white, the first time they lost in white was last Super Bowl. <b>Advantage Rams.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Magic:</b> Harry Potter <a href="https://nesn.com/2019/01/harry-potter-rips-tom-brady-wants-patriots-to-lose-in-super-bowl-liii/">wants Tom Brady to lose</a>. <b>Advantage Rams.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Animals:</b> The Patriots are <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/22/18191544/patriots-rams-super-bowl-2019-odds-underdog-villain">pretending</a> to be the <a href="https://twitter.com/Edelman11/status/1085639194679173120">underdogs</a>, which they stole from the Eagles, because <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/14/18182055/tom-brady-patriots-underdog-nfl-playoffs-afc-championship-odds">they suck</a> and the line against the Rams <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/20/18190998/super-bowl-53-odds-patriots-vs-rams-point-total-betting-history">started at 1 point against them</a> (now 2.5 in their favor). <b>Advantage Rams.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Enjoy the games, everyone!</span></div>
nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-62019787005759284252019-01-20T15:34:00.000-05:002019-01-20T15:34:37.916-05:00i <heart> nfl: championship weekend!<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here we are, just as <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2019/1/14/18182374/aqib-talib-rams-predictions-week-9-conference-championship">Rams CB Aqib Talib predicted</a>, and both games are rematches from earlier in the season, and are also forecast to be close games!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 3:05pm</u></b> (FOX) <a href="https://www.truetoast.com/football-millennial-leader-coach-sean-mcvay/">Noted Millennial</a> HC Sean McVay checks into the Hotel Katrina and aims to lead his LA Rams against the </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/15/18182371/drew-brees-nfl-stats-saints-40-age" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">storied accomplishments by old</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> Saints QB Drew Brees. Look for </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Rams CB Marcus Peters and Saints HC Sean Payton </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2019/1/15/18183850/rams-marcus-peters-saints-coach-sean-payton-nfc-championship-gumbo" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">sharing a bowl of gumbo</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> and various Saints players </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/18/18184169/drew-brees-teddy-bridgewater-dance-new-orleans-saints-motorcycle-bike-life" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">riding Choppa Style</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, which apparently is like riding a fake bicycle.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>6:40pm</u></b> (CBS): Unfortunately it looks like <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/19/18178642/patriots-chiefs-afc-championship-game-nfl-2019-weather-forecast-cold">a polar vortex will miss Kansas City</a> for the AFC Championship game, which is probably good for the Reidskins since Tom Brady is <a href="https://www.foxsports.com/buzzer/story/new-england-patriots-tom-brady-machine-in-cold-weather-010815">'a fucking machine'</a> in cold weather, although he does <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/16/18182494/nfl-playoffs-panic-index-2019-conference-championship-tom-brady-patriots-chiefs">possess fewer playoff road wins than Mark Sanchez</a>, the event of which can be squarely blamed on <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/14/18180224/patriots-vs-chiefs-afc-championship-miami-miracle-thanks-gronk">great TE and poor Safety</a> Rob Gronkowski. The NE Pats, who <a href="https://deadspin.com/its-me-im-the-one-person-who-still-doesnt-believe-in-t-1831852514">no one believes</a> in and <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2019/1/17/18185366/new-england-patriots-super-bowl-fans-hate-tom-brady">no one wants to see in the Superbowl</a>, feature a squadron led by <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2019/1/15/18183631/tom-brady-lego-mural-bill-belichick-patriots">creepy Lego</a> Tom Brady whose <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2019/1/13/18181065/tom-brady-coat-gets-bigger-patriots">coat keeps getting bigger</a> against <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/18/18185839/andy-reid-kansas-city-chiefs-clock-mismanagement-timeouts">the classical clock mismanagement</a> of KCHC Andy Reid. Reidskins fans will counter by <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/buy-stuff/2019/1/15/18184040/mitch-morse-kansas-city-double-it-t-shirt-hoodie-afc-championship-game-breakingt">drinking twice as much as they did last week</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-5827246795685266272019-01-12T15:04:00.000-05:002019-01-12T15:04:13.349-05:00i <heart> nfl: divisional weekend!<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Welcome to Divisional Weekend of the Playoffs! Last week brought us a slate of mostly-exciting games, and this weekend promises a snow game! Additional enjoyment will be gained by watching the Bears mascot in the gif below.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sat 4:35pm</u></b> (NBC): General Andrew Luck has indicated that <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/11/18177843/nfl-playoffs-2019-quarterback-names-anagrams">we'd lack run</a> from the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/11/18177414/general-andrew-luck-civil-war-colts-vs-chiefs-nfl-playoffs-2019">Battlefield of the Trans-Mississippi Theater</a> as his <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/9/18174622/super-bowl-53-odds-2019-divisional-round-favorite-sleeper-colts">sleeper cell Colts</a> face off against the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/12/18178585/patrick-mahomes-throws-kansas-city-chiefs-how">spontaneous greatness</a> of </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">KC Reidskins QB and </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/11/18177843/nfl-playoffs-2019-quarterback-names-anagrams" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hot Camera Skimp</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Patrick Mahomes and <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2019/1/5/18170168/chiefs-colts-preview-nfl-playoffs-2019">a weak KC defense</a>. Watch for <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/12/18178410/colts-chiefs-nfl-playoffs-2019-kansas-city-weather-forecast-snow-game">SNOOOOOOOW</a> and <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/10/15/17977302/andy-reid-clock-management-patriots-chiefs">classic Andy Reid clock mismanagement</a>. </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>8:15pm</u></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> (FOX): </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Cowboys QB Dak Prescott will have to throw </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/11/18177843/nfl-playoffs-2019-quarterback-names-anagrams">pocket darts</a> and lean on their <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2019/1/7/18171193/cowboys-vs-rams-nfl-playoffs-2019-preview-defense-jared-goff">stout defense</a> if they want to have any shot against an LA Rams squadron led by QB and <a href="https://deadspin.com/is-jared-goff-funny-a-brief-investigation-1831682763">comedian</a> Jared Goff.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1:05pm</u></b> (CBS): </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/11/18177843/nfl-playoffs-2019-quarterback-names-anagrams">Mr. Bad Toy</a> NE Pats QB Tom Brady is <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/11/18176913/tom-brady-stats-2018-patriots-quarterback-old-nfl-playoffs">showing his age</a> and since his <a href="https://deadspin.com/ex-patriot-ted-johnson-got-real-mad-about-tom-brady-dis-1831681088">brain's wired for contact</a>, let's hope the LA Chargers <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/11/18172125/los-angeles-chargers-defense-baltimore-ravens-linebackers">linebacker-less defense</a> gives it to him. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Silver-hip Rip Chargers QB Philip Rivers looks to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2019/1/7/18171345/chargers-vs-patriots-nfl-playoffs-philip-rivers-ravens">exorcise the demons of history</a> with a win over their <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2019/1/6/18170827/patriots-vs-chargers-preview-2019-nfl-playoffs-tom-brady-philip-rivers">hated rival</a>. </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>4:40pm</u></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> (FOX): Saved by the </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2019/1/8/18173647/philadelphia-skyline-double-doink-photo-eagles-bears" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Double-doink heard around the world</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, Eagles fans are </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2019/1/8/18173730/eagles-fans-venmo-cody-parkey-bears-strangers-fake-account" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Venmo'ing money to randos thinking they are Bears kicker Cody Parkey</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. But now they check into the Hotel Katrina against a NO Saints side </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2019/1/10/18177038/sean-payton-lombardi-trophy-225000-cash-saints-super-bowl" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">motivated by glass boxes full of money</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-41412365595098030562019-01-05T17:59:00.002-05:002019-01-05T18:00:45.705-05:00i <heart> nfl: wildcard weekend!<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Welcome to the first week of the NFL playoffs! Congratulations if your team made it, otherwise <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2019/1/4/18168203/nfl-fanpulse-confidence-2018-season">this chart will show you when exactly</a> your team lost it. Onto the games!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>Sat 4:35pm</u></b> (ABC): Unsurprising when you think about it, but this Indy/Houstons game will be the <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/acvnng/todays_playoff_game_between_the_colts_and_texans/">first playoff game between two AFC South teams</a> in history. With the final season of Game of Thrones airing this year, <a href="https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/506875173375840256?lang=en">Colts QB Hodor</a> will again be under center in the playoffs facing Houston QB Deshaun Watson, appearing for the first time in the postseason. <b><u>8:15pm</u> </b>(FOX):<b> </b>The Seahawks travel to JerryLand to face the Cowboys in this Week 3 rematch.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1:05pm</u></b> (CBS): <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/buy-stuff/2018/12/13/18139181/lamar-jackson-baltimore-ravens-our-team-afc-breakingt">Our Baltimore Ravens</a> face off against an <a href="https://deadspin.com/can-los-angeles-ever-love-the-chargers-1830571076">unloved</a> LA Chargers squadron in this Week 16 rematch. Look for the Ravens top-ranked defense to <a href="http://philipriversface.blogspot.com/">produce all kinds of faces</a> from Chargers QB Philip Rivers. <b><u>4:40pm</u></b> (NBC): Defending Champions Philadelphia Eagles are again <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/sports-betting-odds-gambling/2019/1/5/18169196/bears-eagles-2019-odds-nfl-playoffs-betting-preview-favorite">playoff underdogs</a> with QB Nick Foles under center against da Bears fearsome defense.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-69851079938394485272018-12-30T12:41:00.002-05:002018-12-30T12:41:11.304-05:00i <heart> nfl: week 17<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Welcome to the final week of the regular season! So far, congratulations to the Pats, Houstons, Chiefs, Chargers, Cowboys, Saints, Rams, and Seahawks on making the playoffs! The final seedings and teams will make it today. I'm currently on vacation in Puerto Rico, so all times are Atlantic Stantard Time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>2pm (AST):</b> None of these games are worth watching save for the future impending First Amendment Supreme Court case regarding whether NYF Giants fans <a href="https://reason.com/blog/2018/12/27/the-first-amendment-right-to-tell-your-t">can inform their team that they 'fucking suck'.</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>5:25pm on the dot:</b> Minnie Vikes are in with win over Bears, but instead the Eagles are in with Minnie loss and win over Skins. The Ravens are in on win against Browns. KC Reidskins get 1st in AFC with win over hapless Raiders. </span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">The Steelers are in with a win against Cincy Bagels, which will be tough with their </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/steelers-coordinator-says-his-defense-will-have-a-prob-1831362806" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">receiving threats on the injured reserve</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">, but also need a Browns victory, which is asking a lot.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>SNF:</b> Indy or Titans in on win, but if there's a tie, neither of them get in and the Steelers advance which would be such an AFC South thing to happen.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-29699508193812228262018-12-09T14:03:00.000-05:002018-12-09T14:03:24.121-05:00i <heart> nfl: week 14<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Welcome to December, where we can start speculating about which teams we'll see in the postseason (hint: not my Dirty Birds!). How is your team faring!?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>TNF:</u></b> In a staple of Thursday night football, the Tennessee <a href="https://deadspin.com/derrick-henry-went-old-school-and-embarrassed-the-jagua-1830934137">Derrick Henrys embarrassed</a> an Jax Jags squadron the is not in <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/11/26/18113231/jaguars-struggle-a-good-place-jason">The Good Place</a> even after <a href="https://deadspin.com/blake-bortless-butt-bumped-to-bench-1830662970">benching QB Blake Bortles</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1pm:</u></b> My Dirty Birds are barely hanging onto their playoff hopes (nopes?) as they host a GB Pack who has <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-green-bay-packers-have-fired-mike-mccarthy-1830809771">finally fired their head coach</a> f<a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/11/26/18113003/packers-should-fire-mike-mccarthy-aaron-rodgers-nfl-week-12-recap">or ruining the team</a> and former legend <a href="https://deadspin.com/report-white-supremacists-tricked-brett-favre-into-mak-1830787594">Brett Favre was tricked into recording an anti-Semitic video about not letting the small get you down</a>. The QB situation of the Washington <i>[Redacted]</i> has gone from bad to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/12/3/18124960/mark-sanchez-butt-fumble-recovery-washington-philadelphia">Buttfumble Recovery</a> <a href="https://deadspin.com/washingtons-quarterback-situation-goes-from-bad-to-wors-1830876586">to worse</a> as they do other bad stuff, too, like <a href="https://deadspin.com/washington-exec-doug-williams-on-signing-reuben-foster-1830749661">signing players with domestic abuse arrests</a>, <a href="https://deadspin.com/rip-sean-taylor-now-buy-this-crappy-doll-from-dan-sny-1830682615">selling a plush doll of their murdered star player</a>, and <a href="https://deadspin.com/josh-norman-on-washingtons-home-fans-theyre-not-reall-1830371150">having shitty fans in general</a>, as they host a NYF Giants side where <a href="https://deadspin.com/odell-beckham-sounds-fed-up-1830651767">the star WR is fed up with the offense</a>. Having <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/browns/2018/10/29/hue-jackson-fired-cleveland-browns/1807439002/">shed the losingest coach in history</a>, the Cleveland Browns <a href="https://deadspin.com/baker-mayfield-is-still-taking-shots-at-hue-jackson-1830677606">then proceeded to trash him</a> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/27/18112431/hue-jackson-bengals-browns-losing-curse-injuries-marvin-lewis">on the field of his new team</a>, and are now on to host the Carolina Panthers in order to trash their playoff hopes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>4pm-ish:</u></b> You'll be surprised that the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/11/30/18117374/oakland-raiders-2018-nfl-playoff-scenario-thats-totally-gonna-happen">34-game parley needed</a> to carry Jon Gruden's Raiders to the payoffs failed, while QB Derek Carr <a href="https://deadspin.com/derek-carr-has-joined-his-brother-david-in-stat-hell-1830656400">has followed his brother into Stat Hell</a>, and they now host the Yinzburgh Steelers with QB Ben Roethlisberger <a href="https://deadspin.com/ben-roethlisberger-defends-his-right-to-publicly-crap-o-1830721826">crapping on his teammates</a> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/11/26/18111783/pittsburgh-steelers-denver-broncos-turnovers-ben-roethlisberger-nfl-week-12">for his poor performance</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>SNF:</u></b> In what should be a quite watchable matchup, da Bears <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/12/6/18128337/chicago-bears-mitchell-trubisky-matt-nagy-offense-nfl-playoffs-2018">are unlocking the real 2nd year QB</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/scottymitchtsn/status/837408920746536964">Mitchy Trubes</a> just as LA Rams QB Jared Goff <a href="https://deadspin.com/jared-goff-is-shooting-his-shot-with-halle-berry-i-gue-1830380723">is unleashing Halle Berry</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>MNF:</u></b> Will the Seattle Seahawks continue to <a href="https://deadspin.com/aaron-donald-took-a-cheap-shot-from-justin-britt-then-t-1830386474">dish out cheap shots</a> against the Minnesota Vikings while these teams currently sit in the NFC Wildcard picture?</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-40733474075854169862018-11-25T14:36:00.001-05:002018-11-25T14:36:26.186-05:00i <heart> nfl: week 12<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Since my team is doing so poorly, I need to feel better by looking at teams way worse than mine. So in that interest, here's a two-fer for the NY JETS.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Thanksgiving:</u></b> One of the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/11/22/18096953/lions-bears-packers-vikings-nfc-north-nfl-rivalries">more successful NFC North franchises</a> defeated the Detroit Lions while they were yelling at you to <a href="https://deadspin.com/coach-who-always-looks-like-a-pile-of-dirty-laundry-sco-1830130585">sit up straight</a> at the Thanksgiving dinner table. Stuck with a Colt McCoy under center the Washington [Redacted] fell to the Dallas Cowboys. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/22/18108330/drew-brees-turkey-leg-2018-award-nbc-emeril" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not thankful</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> about my Dirty Birds performance against the NO Saints, while Falcons WR Mohamed Sanu is </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/11/18/18101422/mohamed-sanu-stan-lee-cleats-falcons" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">thankful for the life of Stan Lee</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1pm:</u></b> The NYF Giants know <a href="https://deadspin.com/this-shit-is-corny-1830537546">it's only crazy until you do it</a> against last week's <a href="https://deadspin.com/ass-team-of-the-week-you-and-the-philadelphia-eagles-w-1830563412">Ass Team of the Week</a> in the Philly Eagles. After achieving pick-six/touchdown parity, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/12/18090084/nathan-peterman-era-bills-released-josh-allen">the Nathan Peterman era in Buffalo is officially over</a>, as the Bills continue to be inspired by <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-bills-ran-a-play-from-tecmo-super-bowl-1830087579">Tecmo Bowl play calls</a> and <a href="https://deadspin.com/ref-kicks-dildo-at-bills-game-1830095780">dildos on the field</a>, as they host a Jax Jags squadron whose <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/11/18/18101461/jacksonville-jaguars-jalen-ramsey-trade-rumors-steelers">defense is let down by the lack of offense</a>. The Ravens find a <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/11/19/18102647/marshall-yanda-spit-vontaze-burfict-ravens-vs-bengals">spitting image</a> of <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/19/18101704/lamar-jackson-ravens-first-start-joe-flacco-qb-controversy">Louisville's playbook</a> to make QB Lamar Jackson the playmaker that Joe Flacco has not been for some time, as they host an Oakland Raiders franchise whose QB/HC combo <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/18/18101854/jon-gruden-derek-carr-oakland-raiders-cardinals-sideline-fight">wears the score on their faces</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>4pm-ish:</u></b> Will the Yinzburgh Steelers find it <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/10/14/17975690/mike-tomlin-coach-challenges-steelers-vs-bengals">challenging</a> to contain the Denver Broncos <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/11/23/18105354/broncos-vs-chargers-von-miller-scared-philip-rivers">pass rush from spooking</a> QB Ben Roethlisberger? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>SNF:</u></b> It is GB Packers QB Aaron Rodgers' first game back in the <a href="https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/the-vikings-sparkling-glass-stadium-is-killing-birds-at-an-alarming-rate/">Minnesota Avicide Center</a> <a href="https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/packers-vs-vikings-odds-line-sunday-night-football-picks-predictions-from-model-on-12-0-roll/">since his collarbone was broken there last season</a>, as these two teams continue to foolishly chase bears. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>MNF:</u></b> The Texas Houstons <a href="https://deadspin.com/texans-owner-bob-mcnair-has-died-1830626709">mourn the loss of their somewhat controversial owner</a> as they host the Tennessee Titans.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-77896042617068538812018-11-18T13:11:00.000-05:002018-11-18T13:11:21.353-05:00i <heart> nfl: week 11<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Well we've finished product roughly on time once again! Enjoy.</span><br />
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>TNF:</u></b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> In some </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/how-much-longer-does-mike-mccarthy-have-left-1830488784" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">classic</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> Mike McCarthy game </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/11/16/18098089/mike-mccarthy-packers-coach-aaron-rodgers-seahawks-mistakes-challenge" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">mismanagement</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, the Packers once again dropped the ball against the Seattle Seahawks.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="text-decoration-line: underline;">Sun 1pm:</b> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Tampa Bay Bucs look to improve on their <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/11/18085614/tampa-bay-buccaneers-washington-score-nfl-501-offensive-yards">scoring ratio of 1 point per 167 yards</a> against the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/13/18090504/giants-49ers-stats-recap-nfl-week-10-monday-night-football-odell-beckham">suddenly entertaining</a> NYF Giants. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hopefully my Dirty Birds will <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/12/18085898/falcons-browns-devondre-campbell">take their opponent seriously this week</a>, coming in the form the Double J's Cowboys. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Tennessee Titans, a <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/11/16/18092164/tennessee-titans-contender-or-pretender-nfl-playoffs-2018">quantum superposition of contender and pretender</a>, look to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/11/18085650/titans-trick-play-patriots-trolling-tom-brady-marcus-mariota-matt-vrabel">antagonize</a> an Indy Colts franchise whose O-line is <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/11/14/18092910/colts-andrew-luck-play-action-passes-ty-hilton-afc-south">keeping Andrew Luck vertical for once</a>. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Does the fact that the Pittsburgh <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/11/14/18095631/leveon-bell-steelers-locker-teammates-shoes-cleats">Raiders</a> have been <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/13/18088020/leveon-bell-contract-steelers-nfl-holdout-2019-free-agent">successfully held out against</a> change their game plan against a Jax Jags squadron that is back to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/12/18089458/jalen-ramsey-jacksonville-jaguars-cornerback-twitter">looking like their comical selves of late</a>. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We may get some <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-ravens-might-actually-have-to-start-robert-griffin-1830479197">classic RGIII action</a> as the Ravens may need to lean on their backup backup QB against division rival Cincy Bagels. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As a Bill Belichick coaching product, Matt Patricia had his </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">D'town Lions</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> <a href="https://deadspin.com/matt-patricia-made-the-lions-practice-in-the-snow-for-n-1830488801">practice in the snow in preparation for their next four indoor games</a>, the first of which is against the Carolina Panthers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>4pm-ish:</u></b> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/11/18086010/derek-carr-oakland-raiders-fourth-down-chargers">Intentional grounding on 4th down</a> is not just a metaphor for the Oakland Raiders season, but is also the product on the field as they visit the Zony Cards.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>SNF:</u></b> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/15/18095089/mitchell-trubisky-chicago-bears-quarterback-nfl-rookie-contract-hero">Can the Bears trust Mitchy Trubes</a> against division rival Minnie Vikes?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>MNF:</u></b> The KC Reidskins look to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/11/18077002/kansas-city-chiefs-coin-toss-luck-streak-record-history">improve on their 9-1 coin toss record</a> as QB Patrick Mahomes, and his <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/11/15/18097827/patrick-mahomes-ketchup-heinz-steaks-chiefs">presidential appetite for ketchup</a>, recovers from <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2018/11/14/18094842/patrick-mahomes-fortnite-killed-own-jersey">being killed by his virtual self</a> against the LA Rams.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-75223246332864487902018-10-28T17:36:00.001-04:002018-10-28T17:36:42.455-04:00i <heart> nfl: week 8<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In NFL news this week, <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-nfl-actually-fired-an-official-1830005164">an official was fired midseason</a> for the first time in the Super Bowl era for missing obvious false start calls. And in other news, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/10/23/18012598/odell-beckham-booger-mcfarland-pee-football-game">here are the best ways to relieve oneself</a> during the game.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">TNF:</u> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/10/26/18025482/deshaun-watson-texans-stats-dolphins-thursday-night-football-fun">"Expect the worst and get the best"</a> as QB Deshaun Watson and the Texas Houstons lit up the MIA Fins.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 9:30am:</u></b> The <a href="https://deadspin.com/my-goodness-the-jaguars-are-a-mess-1829905379">rapidly collapsing</a> Jax Jags cross the pond to field the strength of <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/10/22/18011140/blake-bortles-london-jaguars-eagles-week-8-wembley">London Bortles</a> or otherwise <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/10/24/18020194/malcolm-jenkins-colin-kaepernick-jacksonville-jaguars-blake-bortles">demonstrate that Colin Kaepernick should be in the league</a> as their <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/10/21/18006454/blake-bortles-jaguars-cody-kessler-benched">unbenched QB</a> faces the </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/emergency-football-show-weekly-the-eagles-super-bowl-1829995739" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">hungover Philadelphia Eagles</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>1pm:</u></b> Will we see the same <a href="https://deadspin.com/normal-joe-flacco-bought-a-mattress-from-sean-paytons-b-1830023115">elite mattress-purchasing</a> in Ravens QB Joe Flacco we got last week as the Ravens visit the <a href="https://twitter.com/JimmyKempski/status/1054058469496631296">artificially fired up</a> Carolina Panthers? The <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/10/26/18018910/leveon-bell-pittsburgh-steelers-entire-2018-season">Bell-less</a> Steelers host the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/10/21/18006760/baker-mayfield-face-reaction-meme-browns-lose-bucs-kick-overtime">memefication</a> of the Cleveland Browns. The Broncos travel to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/10/23/18009166/kansas-city-chiefs-defense-2018-eric-berry-justin-houston">the advanced defense</a> of the KC Reidskins after <a href="https://deadspin.com/broncos-cut-chad-kelly-after-he-allegedly-trespassed-an-1829967463">cutting their starting QB</a> for trespassing into a stranger's house.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>4pm-ish:</u></b> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2018/10/21/18005920/andrew-luck-scottish-professor-outfit-colts-nfl">Scottish ethics professor St. Andrew Luck</a> and his Colts take on an Oakland Raiders franchise whose coach has <a href="https://deadspin.com/and-now-jon-gruden-is-losing-the-locker-room-1829967182">lost the locker room</a> and QB has <a href="https://deadspin.com/report-derek-carr-has-lost-the-confidence-of-his-teamm-1829932430">lost the confidence of his teammates</a> for crying after a hit and personnel <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/cowboys/2018/10/22/amari-cooper-trade-dallas-cowboys-oakland-raiders/1731044002/">has lost the second and last of their Pro Bowlers after WR Amari Cooper</a> was traded to Dallas.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>SNF:</u></b> Here's hoping that Minnie Vikes <a href="https://www.dailynorseman.com/2018/10/28/18034652/report-xavier-rhodes-expected-start-new-orleans-saints-minnesota-vikings">shutdown CB Xavier Rhodes can start</a> against the NO Aints in a rematch of last season's playoff game that gave us the Minnesota Miracle.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>MNF:</u></b> The Buffalo Bills will continue to search for <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-bills-did-not-get-the-derek-anderson-renaissance-b-1829896817">the Derek Anderson renaissance</a> as they continue to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/10/22/18007596/bills-quarterbacks-terrible-andrew-luck-colts-mascot-troll">get trolled by mascots</a> while hosting the hated New England Patriots.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-91622476205339463092018-10-21T15:04:00.000-04:002018-10-21T15:04:38.541-04:00i <heart> nfl: week 7<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">At its fall meeting, the NFL <a href="https://deadspin.com/why-the-nfl-dumped-its-anthem-policy-1829842376">dumped its never-enforced National Anthem policy</a>. It was also reported this week that Los Angeles will be saddled by the Chargers <a href="https://deadspin.com/report-los-angeles-will-be-saddled-with-the-chargers-f-1829854270">for at least 20 years</a> before they can escape to a city where they can develop a fan base, because citizens of LA <a href="https://deadspin.com/big-fucking-shock-the-nfls-move-to-l-a-looks-to-be-a-1829815959">clearly do not care for professional football</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>TNF:</b> John Elway, the architect of the disaster that is the Denver Broncos, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/10/18/17991310/john-elway-denver-broncos-blame-vance-joseph">continues to blame everyone but himself</a> for the franchise's woes, got a reprieve by <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/10/19/17998296/broncos-vs-cardinals-thursday-night-football-embarrassment">kicking the shit</a> out of the Zony Cards, who are <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-arizona-cardinals-are-toilet-soup-1829855861">toilet soup</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Sun 9:30am:</b> The Tennessee Titans QB Marcus Mariota <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/10/14/17976510/marcus-mariota-sacks-titans-ravens-record-game-completed-pass">aims to achieve sack/pass completion parity</a> this week as they face off against the Chargers in London.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>1pm:</b> </span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">The Buffalo Bills opt to start their old QB </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/with-josh-allen-hurt-the-bills-will-start-not-nathan-p-1829818920" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">over their shitty QB</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> against the Colts. The Lions face off against Miami, where it'</span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">s the month of Brocktober, as the backup QB continues to start for a Dolphins squadron that has committed </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/no-ones-really-sure-what-the-dolphins-did-with-ryan-tan-1829837891" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Saudi-esque things to starting QB Ryan Tannehill</a><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>4pm-ish:</b> Fun fact: The Baltimore Ravens are the only team that has <a href="https://www.theadvocate.com/new_orleans/sports/saints/article_6e2ec1e0-d3d0-11e8-9bdb-f74049628f37.html">never suffered a loss</a> at the hands of New Orleans' Drew Brees, having won the last four contests against the Saints.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>SNF:</b> Will the KC Reidskins <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/10/15/17977302/andy-reid-clock-management-patriots-chiefs">clock "creativity"</a> again pose a threat for what should be a sure win against the Cincy Bagels?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>MNF:</b> My Dirty Birds host a NYF Giants franchise that <a href="https://deadspin.com/you-cant-hide-eli-manning-1829708700">can't hide the fact that Eli Manning is on the team</a> and</span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> a </span><a href="http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000972962/article/odell-beckham-left-early-for-locker-room-to-get-iv" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">dehydrated</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> WR in Odell Beckham, Jr. </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/10/19/18001164/odell-beckham-jr-doesnt-like-water-nfl-players-hydration" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">who doesn't like drinking water</a> <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">so much he has to leave the field early to get an IV.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Welcome back to another season of the NFL! Well, we're actually well into Week 6 of the season, and I guess that's because I had shit to do. Now that things are settling down, I aim to resume my weekly updates with characteristic regularity.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Nextly, congratulations to the Philadelphia Eagles, who </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/2/7/16973204/eagles-patriots-super-bowl-52-falcons-sigh" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: center;">should have been my Dirty Birds the year before</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Onto the teams! Vegas win over/under totals in parentheses. </span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">AFC East:</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>New England Pats (11.0):</u> Fresh off a Super Bowl loss, I wonder how the Pats would have done if HC Bill Belichick <a href="https://deadspin.com/i-hope-people-never-stop-asking-bill-belichick-about-ma-1827860403">had not benched star CB Malcolm Butler</a>. Watch the drama unfold as <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/8/9/17671350/tom-brady-contract-2018-serious-bargain-blake-bortles-ahahahah">hometown bargain</a> (as 44th highest paid NFL player) and QB (and <a href="https://www.si.com/nfl/2018/02/04/tom-brady-drops-pass-attempt-danny-amendola-super-bowl-lii">definitely not WR</a>) Tom Brady <a href="https://deadspin.com/tom-brady-gets-prickly-as-hell-about-alex-guerreros-pos-1827946267">pissily rage quits press conferences</a> when he <a href="https://deadspin.com/tom-brady-hangs-up-on-radio-interview-after-questions-a-1828622515">gets questions</a> about his <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/1/31/16945448/tb-12-method-tom-brady-book-peak-performance">shady holistic lifestyle</a> and <a href="https://deadspin.com/report-bill-belichick-chewed-out-gronk-in-front-of-tea-1825106301">personal training company</a>. Also that the owner had a <a href="https://deadspin.com/robert-krafts-special-pal-had-a-baby-1823423039">love child</a> and their completely non-racist fans <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=135&v=H0l9o3pMJBo">burnt Patriots jerseys</a> when some players kneeled for the national anthem, and I look forward to what this season will bring.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>NY <a href="http://sportsmasher.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/JEST-Sign.jpg" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">J-E-S-T</a> (6.0):</u> Going into last season in rebuilding mode, the J-E-S-T managed a 5-11 record because they can't even tank properly. They retained the services of their shitty coach and GM because the owner was to busy <a href="https://www.nj.com/jets/index.ssf/2018/07/woody_johnson_views_donald_trump_as_role_model_for.html">raising his sons to be shitty</a>. The J-E-S-T traded up to pick <a href="https://www.theringer.com/nfl/2018/8/17/17715104/sam-darnold-new-york-jets-quarterback-career">large-headed</a> QB <a href="https://nypost.com/2018/04/27/mark-sanchez-to-sam-darnold-how-to-avoid-my-jets-fate/">Sanchize 2.0</a>, another USC product with a fumbling problem can look forward to mentorship by ancient journeyman Josh McCown. At least they can be proud they're not the Giants.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Buffalo Bills (6.0):</u> After making the playoffs for the first time this century due to a flash of competence from the Bengals (!?), the Buffalo Bills traded away the <a href="https://ftw.usatoday.com/2018/08/nfl-browns-tyrod-taylor-name-pronunciation-wrong">mispronounced QB</a> Tyrod Taylor and replaced him with <a href="https://www.newyorkupstate.com/buffalo-bills/index.ssf/2018/09/buffalo_bills_qb_nathan_peterman_will_be_human_pinata_behind_bad_offensive_line.html">human </a></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.newyorkupstate.com/buffalo-bills/index.ssf/2018/09/buffalo_bills_qb_nathan_peterman_will_be_human_pinata_behind_bad_offensive_line.html">piñata</a> Nathan Peterman. The fans of this team, which is responsible for <a href="https://deadspin.com/so-i-guess-were-blaming-the-buffalo-bills-for-acts-of-d-1828786451">domestic terrorism</a> and <a href="https://deadspin.com/report-cops-arrested-bloody-naked-buffalo-bills-recei-1823941623">naked felony vandalism</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/ericsports/status/922191463709937664">enact metaphors</a> for this team's end result every season.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>MIA Fins (6.5):</u> After the Jay Cutler experiment last season, starting QB and project-you-forgot Ryan Tannehill returns to the helm of this mediocre offense. All of the linesman are <a href="https://deadspin.com/kiko-alonso-makes-important-third-down-tackle-promptly-1828611692">concussed</a> or <a href="https://nypost.com/2018/03/08/troubled-ex-nfl-lineman-had-pile-of-weapons-after-instagram-threat/">insane</a>.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">AFC North:</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Bodymore Ravens (8.0):</u> Fresh off failing to make the playoffs due to <a href="https://twitter.com/JuradoNYC/status/947633360272265216?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E947633360272265216&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fdeadspin.com%2Fajax%2Finset%2Fiframe%3Fid%3Dtwitter-947633360272265216%26autosize%3D1">a touchdown pass from the Red Rocket</a>, the Ravens will continue to employ the quantum superposition of eliteness himself, QB Joe Flacco, whose wavefunction long ago collapsed to the 'not' state, under center. Meanwhile, stud rookie Lamar Jackson will <a href="https://www.baltimoreravens.com/news/late-for-work-8-14-peter-king-joe-flacco-wants-to-keep-lamar-jackson-on-the-benc">languish on the bench</a> until the owner forces HC Jon Harbaugh to start him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Cincinnati Bagels (6.5):</u> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/8/26/17781714/how-andy-dalton-became-mvp-buffalo-week-17-2017-nfl-preseason-week-3-bengals-bills-ravens">Buffalo MVP</a> Andy Dalton still coached by <i>Cincy</i> HC Marvin Lewis. Vontaze Burfict is suspended for the first four games, so other defensive members will have to step up on the dirty hits.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Cleveland Browns (5.5):</u> As the second NFL franchise to achieve a winless 0-16 season, the hapless Cleveland Browns can't even win at losing. </span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">The brightest outlook for the Browns this season is it can't get any worse than the last one. They've now gone from trusting the process to burning draft picks. Coached by Hue Jackson, </span><a href="https://www.cleveland.com/browns/index.ssf/2017/12/jimmy_haslam_on_fans_when_we_w.html" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">who hasn't lost his magic</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> of winning one game over the past two seasons, look forward to n</span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">ew OC Todd Haley </span><a href="http://www.tmz.com/2018/01/02/todd-haley-wife-involved-in-bar-fight-injures-hip/" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">getting into bar fights</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> and </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/baker-mayfield-given-meaningless-punishment-for-grabbin-1820613994" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">crotch-grabbing</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> Oklahoma product Baker Mayfield under center</span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Yinzburgh Steelers (10.5):</u> The <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/8/9/17670674/pittsburgh-steelers-super-bowl-predictions-training-camp-ben-roethlisberger-leveon-bell">most successful failures</a> in the NFL were trounced by the Jax Jags at home twice last season much to delight by everyone who's not a Yinzer. <a href="https://deadspin.com/5520027/a-new-big-ben-exposure-story-he-had-a-gray-penis">Gray-dicked</a> QB Ben Roethlisberger is at the helm for another season because he feels <a href="https://deadspin.com/ben-roethlisberger-is-totally-committed-to-playing-now-1825713187">the pressure from drafted rookie</a> QB Mason Rudolph. Their star RB will <a href="https://deadspin.com/leveon-bells-holdout-is-now-getting-expensive-1828911193">hold out for the entire season</a> so these fucks don't run him into the ground.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">AFC South:</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Jax Jaguars (9.0):</u> Your <a href="https://twitter.com/wjxt4/status/950108675087257600">southern franchise of the Buffalo Bills</a>. Last season the Jags made it to the AFC Championship game (!?) on the strength of their defense, o-line, and running game, only to <a href="https://twitter.com/SharpFootball/status/955463259175440384?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E955463259175440384%7Ctwgr%5E373939313b636f6e74726f6c&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fdeadspin.com%2Fajax%2Finset%2Fiframe%3Fid%3Dtwitter-955463259175440384%26autosize%3D1">fuck themselves out of a lead</a> against the hated NE Pats (causing <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2018/8/9/17670610/nfl-shop-jaguars-jersey-patriots-logo-wtf">this "halftime adjustment"</a>). <a href="https://deadspin.com/report-blake-bortles-keeps-his-truck-unlocked-with-his-1825941735">Much like his own wallet</a>, QB Blake Bortles puts the football in ill-advised places. Jacksonville is the only city in which I've seen a Nazi #irl.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u><br /></u></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Tennessee Titans (8.0):</u> The Titans, who won a playoff game for the first time in, like, forever, immediately went on to fire their HC after their inevitable loss to the Pats. New HC and and <a href="https://247sports.com/college/ohio-state/Board/120/Contents/Tennessee-Tians-head-coach-Mike-Vrabel-bombed-his-interview-with-the-Ohio-State-Buckeyes-114248508/">total meathead</a> Mike Vrabel takes the helm as the Titans look to <a href="https://twitter.com/PaulKuharskyNFL/status/1031644069557092354/photo/1">trample the weak and hurdle the dead</a>, surely sage advice for our imminent post-apocalyptic world. </span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u><br /></u></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Texas Houstons (8.5):</u> Your favorite <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/4/5/17202706/texans-owner-bob-mcnair-inmates-running-prison">prison run by inmates</a>, the Houstons should get a few weeks out of the second coming of RGIII in QB Deshaun Watson, because the Houstons aren't allowed to have nice things.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Indy (6.5):</u> Things are looking up for Indy, since the physical problems with QB Andrew Luck <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/early-lead/wp/2017/11/07/does-jim-irsay-really-think-andrew-lucks-problems-are-all-in-his-head/?utm_term=.5ddf30006c89">are actually mental</a>, and he is now actively <a href="https://deadspin.com/andrew-luck-survived-throwing-a-football-quick-everyon-1827956385">surviving the act of throwing footballs</a>, so much so, that he's sure he <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2018/8/13/17683156/andrew-luck-mustache-uncle-rico">can throw one over a mountain</a>. Prolly <a href="https://deadspin.com/t-y-hilton-apologizes-for-correctly-pointing-out-his-t-1819782776">cause all the players suck</a>, this team <a href="https://deadspin.com/everyone-looks-bad-in-the-josh-mcdaniels-mess-1822795401">got stood up at the altar</a> when Pats OC Josh McDaniels retracted his deal to become the head coach, so look forward to them <a href="https://twitter.com/ClarkWade34/status/935268379295932417">driving that truck into the ol' tar pit</a> this season.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">AFC West:</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Denver Broncos (7.0):</u> If you're looking for a team that is <a href="https://deadspin.com/john-elway-and-the-broncos-admit-defeat-on-first-round-1828774603">defeated in the draft</a> as well as <a href="https://twitter.com/ClayWendler/status/912041040948924417">on the field</a>, then the Denver Broncos are for you! While CB Aqib Talib departing will lead to a <a href="https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/aqib-talib-rips-off-michael-crabtrees-chain-again-both-players-ejected-after-fight/">loss of snatched chains</a>, the </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">drafting of LB Bradley Chubb joining </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">TE Jake Butt is a gain for juvenile humor.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>KC Chiefs (8.5):</u> The KC Reidskins abdicated themselves of game-manager QB Alex Smith this season to start the second coming of Brett Favre, who's <a href="https://deadspin.com/patrick-mahomes-announced-himself-with-a-bomb-1828458538">69-yard (heh) bomb</a> against my Dirty Birds in the preseason is the longest recorded NFL pass. The NFL shows how little fun they are by not letting actual doctor/KC linebacker Dr. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Laurent Duvernay-Tardif <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-nfl-wont-let-dr-laurent-duvernay-tardif-put-m-d-1827119361">put the M.D. on his jersey</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u><a href="http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-oakland-ish-raiders-1798425358">Oakland(ish)</a> Raiders (8.0):</u> In what's supposed to be their last season in Oakland before taking a permanent residency in Las Vegas, the Raiders are gonna <a href="https://www.si.com/nfl/2018/02/19/jon-gruden-nfl-raiders-coach-return">grind you back to 1998</a> with the hiring of HC Jon Gruden. Out are <a href="https://www.barstoolsports.com/newyork/jon-gruden-has-no-time-for-your-analytics-or-data">analytics and data (or day-ta)</a> and in are <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/2/28/17062476/jon-gruden-raiders-press-conference-analytics-nfl-combine-gps-fullbacks">fullbacks</a>, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/2/28/17062476/jon-gruden-raiders-press-conference-analytics-nfl-combine-gps-fullbacks">old school football</a>, and <a href="https://raiderramble.com/2018/01/02/heck-spider-2-y-banana/">Spider 2 Y Banana</a>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u><span style="color: #222222;">LA Superchargers (9.5):</span></u><span style="color: #222222;"> This NFL franchise that is only ever noticed <a href="https://www.bleedinggreennation.com/2017/10/1/16393386/eagles-fans-take-over-chargers-stadium-extra-home-game-philadelphia-pictures-video-stubhub-center">by opposing fanbases</a>, for <a href="https://www.boltsfromtheblue.com/2017/9/19/16334588/los-angeles-chargers-embarrassment">losing games in the stupidest ways</a>, for everyone who <a href="https://deadspin.com/5867720/death-is-stalking-the-1994-chargers">played on the team dying</a>, and <a href="https://www.boltsfromtheblue.com/2018/8/7/17661700/report-more-injuries-pile-up-for-chargers">everyone else on the team being injured</a>. They'll win the AFC West and no one in LA will care.</span></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">NFC East:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Dallas Cowboys (8.5):</u> This Trump-supporting fan base should know that his Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh <a href="https://deadspin.com/moron-supreme-court-nominee-doesnt-believe-dez-caught-i-1828566470">doesn't think Dez caught it</a>. </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/anthem-respecter-jerry-jones-doesnt-even-respect-the-an-1827972183" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Hats off</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> to Cowboy's owner and </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/7/25/17614374/jerry-jones-protests-national-anthem-dallas-cowboys" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">noted anthem-respecter</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> the Double J, who will let you play on his team if you beat up women or violate substance abuse policy, but not if you take a knee. QB Dak Prescott will have an even worse year throwing to a </span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">cast-off receiving corps that can't even </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/cowboys-receiver-terrance-williams-arrested-after-crash-1826169606#_ga=2.217045908.343256509.1534766704-806788723.1525786998" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">keep a car in bounds</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>NY Football Giants (7.0):</u> The New York Giants <a href="http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/22715325/new-york-giants-aware-odell-beckham-jr-video">are aware of the video</a> showing that they are <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/8/29/17775214/2018-nfl-preview-new-york-giants-eli-manning-saquon-barkley-rebuilding">rebuilding their team</a> around the 37-year old QB that is <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/manningface">Eli Manning</a>. At least they drafted rookie RB Saquon Barkley to pair with receiving threat Odell Beckham, Jr (powered by <a href="https://deadspin.com/video-surfaces-of-odell-beckham-jr-enjoying-a-delightf-1823670594">cocaine pizza</a>) in his last year of contract, even if the GM <a href="https://deadspin.com/old-gm-yells-at-cloud-1825600773">doesn't trust the math</a>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Philadelphia Eagles (10.0):</u> Now that the Eagles have won a Super Bowl, the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/2/8/16990878/eagles-fans-ashes-super-bowl-parade">ashes of loved ones have finally been spread</a>, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/2/8/16990880/doug-pederson-beer-catch-eagles-parade">thrown beers were effortlessly caught</a>, and Tom Brady's <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/2/8/16991518/malcolm-jenkins-roasted-tom-brady-slapped-ass-dropped-super-bowl-pass">ass has been slapped</a>. The franchise that had testicular fortitude to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV7mWuCdkpY">call the Philly Special</a> against the Patriots will, </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">soon enough, regress back to getting the </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/2/11/17001056/eagles-fans-super-bowl-52-trick-play-wrong-formation-tattoos" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">wrong play formation tattooed</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> on their bodies, </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/breaking-down-the-philly-gas-station-looting-footage-1822777209/amp" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">looting gas stations</a>, <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/eagles-use-late-draft-pick-on-humongous-rugby-league-ma-1825628770" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">making draft moves too clever</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> for themselves. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">With last season's almost-MVP <a href="https://deadspin.com/doug-pederson-scolding-reporter-for-asking-same-questi-1828613621">Carson Wentz still injured</a>, </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/9/1/17806408/eagles-nick-foles-starting-quarterback-carson-wentz-falcons-nfl-week-1" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">which Nick Foles</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> will we get to start the season?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Washington <i>[Redacted]</i> (7.0):</u> It's <a href="https://twitter.com/dcsportsbog/status/1022840291538219009/photo/1">a different vibe</a> on this team, with QB Kirk Cousins going to the Vikings and being replaced with the elder Alex Smith. To anyone who's talked themselves into thinking this is a good idea, I've got a position for you on the White House communications staff.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">NFC North:</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Da Bears (6.5):</u> If you were wondering which team to root for that has <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Wl6F6SWh3w">needless celebrations resulting in fumbles</a>, head coaching <a href="https://deadspin.com/john-fox-challenge-turns-bears-first-and-goal-into-turn-1820375398">that results in turnovers</a>, an offense <a href="https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-chicago-bears-1828187539">that shelters sophomore QB Mitchy Trubes</a> so he doesn't make any mistakes, and a front office left with <a href="http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/24229726/chicago-bears-blame-roquan-smith-holdout-contract-dispute-rookie-guaranteed-money">the only unsigned drafted rookie</a>, then da Bears are for you!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>D'town Lions (7.5):</u> <a href="https://www.mlive.com/news/ann-arbor/index.ssf/2018/09/university_of_michigan_sees_in.html">Michigan</a>, <a href="https://www.indystar.com/story/news/2018/01/25/heres-what-larry-nassar-actually-did-his-patients/1065165001/">the state</a> that aims to be the <a href="http://time.com/5376455/former-michigan-state-coach-nassar-investigation/">capital</a> of (<a href="https://www.cnn.com/2018/08/14/us/pennsylvania-catholic-church-grand-jury/index.html">non-Catholic church-related</a>) <a href="http://www.michiganradio.org/post/federal-lawsuit-filed-against-michigan-school-district">sexual</a> <a href="https://www.metroweekly.com/2018/09/michigan-appeals-court-womans-lawsuit-planet-fitness-pro-transgender-policy/">harassment</a> <a href="https://www.mlive.com/news/ann-arbor/index.ssf/2018/09/university_of_michigan_sees_in.html">cases</a>, had its D'town Lions go and blindly hire NE Pats OC Matt Patricia as their head coach without checking him out, and you'll have to either guess or click on this link to see <a href="https://deadspin.com/we-found-matt-patricia-s-sexual-assault-indictment-in-3-1825909467">what he's been accused of</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Green Bay Packers (10.0):</u> Don't worry when QB Aaron Rodgers inevitably shatters his collarbone again, because your <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyn2LZltSoI&feature=youtu.be">quarterback room is exactly where it needs to be</a>. Come December this team will be the football equivalent of <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2014/7/18/5915825/remember-that-time-najeh-davenport-pooped-in-a-hamper">shitting in a hamper</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Minnesota Vikings (10.0):</u> Something called a Case Keenum was brought to the NFC Championship by something called the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4a9KApRUks">Minnesota Miracle</a>. This season, the Vikes will employ a new QB in Kirk Cousins, who's corniness is actually an asset in the Midwest, until he meets his <a href="https://deadspin.com/kirk-cousins-anticipates-his-inevitable-death-with-a-tu-1827669770">inevitable death by a tube of rocks</a>. At least <a href="https://deadspin.com/mike-zimmer-any-idiot-with-a-video-tablet-can-do-my-jo-1824281077">any idiot with a video tablet</a> can do your head coach's job.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">NFC South:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>ATL Dirty Birds (9.0):</u> Expect great things now that the Falcons offense has <a href="https://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2018/08/15/julio-jones-steve-sarkisian-in-much-better-space-this-year/">warmed up to its offensive coordinator</a>. That is unless my Dirty Birds <a href="https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/nfl-playoffs-falcons-final-play-a-disaster-eagles-knew-before-they-broke-the-huddle/">continue broadcast their play calls</a>, as when they came up short against the Eagles last postseason, or walking saltine and QB Matt Ryan continues <a href="https://deadspin.com/marcus-lattimore-made-an-assterception-1821563762">to throw assterceptions</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Carolina Panthers (9.0):</u> If you like <a href="https://deadspin.com/panthers-defensive-backs-coach-resigns-amid-harassment-1825778490">sexual harassment</a> and <a href="https://deadspin.com/interim-panthers-gm-on-paid-leave-after-ex-wife-request-1822784233">domestic abuse</a> in the form of team management, the Carolina Panthers are for you. <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/17/16788572/panthers-owner-jerry-richardson-selling-team">Out is perma-scowled owner</a> Jerry Richardson and in is new owner and <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-hedge-fund-orc-buying-the-panthers-used-to-berate-e-1826041028">displayer of brass balls</a> David Tepper. On the field, we have a QB in Cam Newton who, <a href="https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/timeline-cam-newton-flap-the-latest-blow-to-nfls-scrutinized-concussion-protocol/">when not concussed</a>, is being <a href="https://deadspin.com/cam-newton-seems-miffed-that-kelvin-benjamin-said-he-su-1828238528">trashed by his former wide receivers</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>NO Aints (9.5):</u> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; font-size: 16px; line-height: inherit; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">Pass is… CAUGHT! DIGGS! SIDELINE! TOUCHDOWN!!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> When the Saints defense <a href="https://deadspin.com/oh-no-marcus-williams-1822084427">went low</a>, Stefon Diggs went high to come up with the Minnesota Miracle, a game-winning last second touchdown that is a karmic retort to Saints fans celebrating the Pats the previous year (for me, at least!). Remember that this team treats their cheerleader like a <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/3/26/17163908/saints-cheerleaders-lawsuit-discrimination-nfl">certain type of people</a> a certain time ago and who's <a href="https://deadspin.com/whew-tom-bensons-estate-battle-was-ugly-and-sad-as-hel-1827947243">formerly mentally competent</a> and now dead owner is enstatued for not moving the team to San Antonio after Hurricane Katrina. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Tampa Bay Bucs (6.5):</u> Guess who's suspending for three games after <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-bucs-did-this-to-themselves-1827131980">groping an Uber driver</a>!? Why, that would be none other than Bucs QB Jameis Winston, your <a href="http://www.espn.com/nfl/draft2015/story/_/id/12739843/jameis-winston-florida-state-seminoles-says-crab-legs-were-given-not-stolen">crab leg-stealing</a>, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/5/16609522/jameis-winston-eat-w-speech-buccaneers-saints">W-eating</a> FSU product, who has <a href="https://deadspin.com/jameis-winston-says-he-has-grown-and-learned-from-the-1827896430">grown and learned</a> as a person as much as he has as a quarterback. A more entertaining product can certainly be found in the <a href="http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2005-11-30/news/STBRIEFS30_5_1_alcohol-strip-club-tampa-bay-buccaneers">mobile strip club outside</a> than on the field.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">NFC West:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Santa Clara 49ers (8.5):</u> The Silicon Valley 110001ers finally secured a QB in <a href="https://deadspin.com/craven-columnist-various-circus-clowns-say-jimmy-garop-1827947981">porn-star-dating Jimmy Garoppolo that is as hot as the seats in the sun at Levi's Field of Jeans. </a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Seattle Seahawks (8.0):</u> Seahawks head coach and <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/seahawks/2015/01/29/pete-carroll-911-sept-11-truth-movement-truthers/22556683/">STEEL BEAMS DON'T MELT advocate</a> Pete Carroll <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/seahawks/2015/01/29/pete-carroll-911-sept-11-truth-movement-truthers/22556683/">ran out of motivational stories</a> so had to overhaul the roster, making leading rusher QB Russell Wilson the only player you recognize on the empty husk of this team.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Los Angeles Rams (10.0):</u> Mercifully free of former coach <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/7/11/17562002/jeff-fisher-fox-nfl-broadcast-7-9-bullshit">Jeff Fisher's 7-9 bullshit</a>, new HC and <a href="https://www.si.com/nfl/2018/08/23/sean-mcvay-los-angeles-rams-les-snead-jared-goff">notable millennial</a> Sean McVay took the Rams to the playoffs for the first time in 13 seasons, and Los Angeles couldn't give less of a shit. The Rams could get more attendance at their games by <a href="https://deadspin.com/fox-is-seeking-los-angeles-area-actors-who-can-pretend-1821152419">issuing casting calls</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Zony Cards (5.5</u></span><u style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">):</u><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> Reverting back to shitty form last season, veterans QBs Sam Bradford and Mike Glennon welcome rookie and <a href="https://theundefeated.com/features/josh-rosen-ucla-quarterback-gets-a-taste-of-what-outspoken-black-athletes-experience-all-the-time/">noted anti-Trump Instagrammer</a> Josh Rosen to the <a href="https://www.azcardinals.com/news/michael-bidwill-backs-classmate-for-supreme-court">Brett Kavanaugh</a> of NFL franchises.</span></div>
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nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-89072977460322593902018-02-04T12:36:00.001-05:002018-02-04T12:36:26.250-05:00i <heart> nfl: super bowl lii!!!<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What:</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Super Bowl LII between the Philadelphia Eagles and the </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/2/2/16940762/patriots-hometown-city-foxborough-new-england" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Boston Region</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Patriots is a rematch of Super Bowl XXXIX!!! </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/2/2/16955678/super-bowl-52-patriots-eagles-rematch-changes-tom-brady-bill-belichick-andy-reid" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What's changed?</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Push.</b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>When:</b> Kickoff is at 6:30pm EST (NBC) <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/2/3/16952356/patriots-super-bowl-indoors-broadcast-network-not-cbs">inside a dome and not on CBS</a>. <span style="background-color: white; color: #232323;">Al Michaels will be calling the play-by-play, with Cris Collinsworth as the color guy and Michele Tafoya on the sideline. </span><b>Advantage Patriots.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Who:</b> NE Pats QB and father of an <a href="https://deadspin.com/tom-brady-cuts-weei-interview-short-because-host-called-1822507880">"annoying little pissant</a>" Tom Brady is <a href="https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/watch-saturday-night-live-spoofs-patriots-eagles-fans-on-eve-of-super-bowl/">four years past life expectancy</a> for a Patriot while the Eagles' Nick Foles looks to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/2/1/16942498/nick-foles-backup-quarterback-super-bowl-tom-brady">join the list of backup QBs that have won Super Bowls</a> after starter <a href="http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/21739787/carson-wentz-philadelphia-eagles-torn-acl-miss-rest-season">Carson Wentz tore his ACL</a> in December. <b>Push.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Where:</b> Minneapolis <strike><a href="https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/the-vikings-sparkling-glass-stadium-is-killing-birds-at-an-alarming-rate/">Avicide Center</a></strike> US Bank Stadium, where the Vikings became the 52nd team to not host their own Super Bowl. After <a href="http://ftw.usatoday.com/2018/01/philadelphia-eagles-fans-minnesota-vikings-tailgate-video">receiving that brotherly love</a> in the NFC Championship game, Minnesotans are planning on <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/1/30/16945922/minnesota-super-bowl-vikings-philadelphia-eagles-fans">killing Eagles fans</a> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/1/29/16928316/minnesota-nice-explained">with kindness</a>. <b>Advantage Patriots.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>How: </b>While both teams were number one seeds in their respective conferences, each had a blowout win and a victory that came down to the wire. <b>Push.</b></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5BZe0irRrGn8Nksz5NBXwz7Dxpmt4LSLFpFLH1_1yHJTyzQS1keIFNE2dE-XKOwvu0sW9hbqPyy-zzG7rU6nLC7b7tsxZ_8LL8yTOYk0ZpxZEvDWyT9NDm4Tpz-CL9az509_QqYFM29R-/s1600/1516624495_716_Danny-Amendola-stepped-up-when-the-Patriots-needed-him-plus-6-other-things-we-loved-from-Championship-Sunday.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="235" data-original-width="400" height="376" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5BZe0irRrGn8Nksz5NBXwz7Dxpmt4LSLFpFLH1_1yHJTyzQS1keIFNE2dE-XKOwvu0sW9hbqPyy-zzG7rU6nLC7b7tsxZ_8LL8yTOYk0ZpxZEvDWyT9NDm4Tpz-CL9az509_QqYFM29R-/s640/1516624495_716_Danny-Amendola-stepped-up-when-the-Patriots-needed-him-plus-6-other-things-we-loved-from-Championship-Sunday.gif" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh75vzeeK4VergRwj6-jBDiRz36D32fXCSd0mKk28MuqyVushQOWyM0_UqBGAxyWGQ1in-yzX3CO0DlJNvxbGwXC2ph141vuxhMIGVfFqjb32KXN7YzWGmBJI_Yi9ZKLywc3_D-etK3zK3T/s1600/2018-01-21-21_02_36.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="276" data-original-width="457" height="386" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh75vzeeK4VergRwj6-jBDiRz36D32fXCSd0mKk28MuqyVushQOWyM0_UqBGAxyWGQ1in-yzX3CO0DlJNvxbGwXC2ph141vuxhMIGVfFqjb32KXN7YzWGmBJI_Yi9ZKLywc3_D-etK3zK3T/s640/2018-01-21-21_02_36.gif" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Push.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Offense: </b>Both offenses are ranked near the top, but New England has a <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/31/16954854/super-bowl-2018-patriots-running-backs-dion-lewis-james-white">RB by community</a> while Philadelphia's hopes depend on <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/cartoonoftheday/2018/02/02/super-bowl-2018-which-nick-foles-will-show-up-for-the-eagles/#1e8bd7023e5b">which Nick Foles shows up today</a>. <b>Advantage Patriots.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Defense: </b>Both defenses are also ranked near the top, but the Eagles look to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/2/3/16962840/super-bowl-lii-2018-tom-brady-eagles-pass-rush-fletcher-cox">sack Tom Brady as much as possible</a> with lots of depth and versatility in their defensive front. <b>Advantage Eagles.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Ownership:</b> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/2/2/16964604/super-bowl-52-patriots-vs-eagles-rivalry-robert-kraft-jeffrey-lurie-tried-to-buy-the-team">Boston-born boys Kraft and Laurie</a> each own a team in the Super Bowl and reside part-time in Palm Springs, FL. <b>Push.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Entertainment:</b> As retribution for <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/2/2/16955474/justin-timberlake-threw-janet-jackson-under-bus-super-bowl-halftime">the previous wardrobe malfunction</a>, Justin Timberlake plans on <a href="https://jezebel.com/perhaps-as-karmic-retribution-justin-timberlake-shoul-1822604581">revealing one testicle</a> during the Halftime Show. <b>Push.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Celebrities:</b> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/2/1/16934598/super-bowl-52-bradley-cooper-philadelphia-eagles-fan">Bradley Cooper</a> is embodying the Eagles playoff effort, while noted Pats fan Mark Wahlberg <a href="https://nypost.com/2018/01/30/patriots-fan-mark-wahlberg-doesnt-care-if-eagles-win-super-bowl/">doesn't mind if they win</a>. <b>Advantage Eagles.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Love:</b> The City of Brotherly love boasts a team with 5 members having <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/2/2/16949718/philadelphia-eagles-players-brothers-nfl-super-bowl-2018">brothers that are also NFL </a><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/2/2/16949718/philadelphia-eagles-players-brothers-nfl-super-bowl-2018">players</a>. Eagles TE Zach Ertz is trying to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2018/1/29/16949064/julie-ertz-asking-zach-ertz-questions-during-super-bowl-opening-day-is-dawwww">achieve championship parity with his wife</a>. As a country, <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-patriots-are-returning-to-the-super-bowl-barf-barf-1822282529">most of America hates</a> to see New England in another Super Bowl. <b>Advantage Eagles.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Celebrations:</b> The Eagles have had the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/platform/amp/nfl/2018/1/31/16942392/eagles-patriots-touchdown-celebrations-super-bowl-52">most creative touchdown celebrations</a> over the season, while NE just (sometimes) has the Gronk spike. <b>Advantage Eagles.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Bowls:</b> The Eagles are trying to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/2/2/16946494/super-bowl-52-eagles-patriots-philadelphia-championship-history">win their first Super Bowl ever</a>, but it's hard to win a Super Bowl if you've<a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/2/2/16955106/super-bowl-losers-teams-never-won-eagles-patriots-2018"> never won the Super Bowl</a>. However, the City of Philadelphia perennially hosts the <a href="https://deadspin.com/a-tamer-wing-bowl-as-eagles-fans-rest-up-for-super-bowl-1822650854">Wing Bowl</a>. <b>Push.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Technology:</b> Our eventual robot overlords are <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2018/1/24/16927450/alexa-super-bowl-siri-google-home-video">picking the Eagles to win</a>. <b>Advantage Eagles.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Repair:</b> This <a href="https://www.delawareonline.com/videos/news/2018/01/29/auto-repair-workers-use-sign-celebrate-eagles-pride/109913732/">Philadelphia auto shop fixes cars</a> better than New England <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/21/16916800/patriots-jaguars-referee-touchdown-afc-championship">fixes games</a>. <b>Advantage Eagles.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Authoritarianism:</b> This Collingswood, NJ mayor is threatening to <a href="http://www.fox29.com/news/nj-major-jokes-flying-a-patriots-flag-is-illegal-in-this-city">shut off the water</a> of his Patriot fan neighbors, however the Unforced Error that is our president has <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/2/3/16945480/2018-super-bowl-52-trump-patriots">strong ties to the Pats owner, coach, and QB</a>. <b>Advantage Patriots.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Security:</b> While the Pats are upgrading security to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/2/1/16961444/super-bowl-2018-nfl-patriots-eagles-security-tom-brady-stolen-jersey">keep Tom Brady's jersey safe</a>, police in Philadelphia are <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2018/2/1/16960782/philadelphia-eagles-police-poles-crisco-gear-oil">coating the lamp poles with gear oil</a> after finding <a href="https://deadspin.com/philly-cops-won-t-grease-poles-for-the-super-bowl-becau-1822558482">Crisco an ineffective deterrent</a>. <b>Advantage Eagles.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Knowledge:</b> While both better than <a href="https://deadspin.com/tonights-jeopardy-contestants-knew-absolutely-nothing-1822646160">these Jeopardy! contestants</a>, Tom Brady <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/29/16948746/tom-brady-pop-culture-tv-trivia-super-bowl-52-media-day-2018">doesn't fare very well</a> at trivia, yet Eagles WR Alshon Jeffrey guarantees his team will win. <b>Advantage Eagles.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Animals:</b> Tom Brady has <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/platform/amp/2018/1/31/16957452/tom-brady-super-bowl-patriots-eagles-dog-bites">been bitten by dogs twice</a> while the Philadelphia Eagles are taking <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/29/16937372/super-bowl-2018-underdog-eagles-vs-patriots">their underdog status</a> to heart. <b>Advantage Eagles.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Enjoy the games, everyone!</span><br />
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nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-62650079519369398602018-01-21T14:12:00.000-05:002018-01-21T14:12:53.150-05:00i <heart> nfl: championship weekend!<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well this weekend isn't going to be great for NFL fans in the U.S. Military. Due to the government shutdown, nonessential services such as the Armed Forces Network <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/20/16913612/government-shutdown-costing-deployed-service-members-nfl-playoffs-military">are no longer broadcasting</a>, depriving those stationed abroad from taking in the games. Those near USO Centers, in South Korea, Japan, Germany, and Italy, for example, will be able to <a href="https://deadspin.com/overseas-troops-will-likely-miss-nfl-championship-games-1822266999">stream the games through NFL Game Pass for free</a>. For the rest of us, it's time for Championship Weekend!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 3:05pm CBS</u></b> (Gantry Bar, LIC, NYC): </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With everyone outside of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/20/16905834/jacksonville-jaguars-fans-new-england-patriots-haters-duval-afc-championship">rooting for the Jaguars</a>, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/21/16910830/blake-bortles-jaguars-preseason-benched-starter-chad-henne-qb-competition">formerly-benched</a> QB Blake Bortles and his </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/15/16890962/jaguars-vs-patriots-afc-championship-blake-bortles-jalen-ramsey">pissed off</a> Sacksonville Saguars take on the NE Pats and QB Tom Brady's <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/17/16902546/tom-brady-injury-report-patriots-jaguars-afc-championship">mysterious hand injury</a>. The Jag's <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/14/16891070/calais-campbell-prediction-jaguars-steelers-called-it">clairvoyant defensive ends</a> predict the Pats will be <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2018/1/17/16900504/jacksonville-bakery-ben-roethlisberger-7-steelers-jaguars">giving out turnovers</a> as the defense </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/the-jaguars-talked-just-ungodly-amounts-of-shit-1822092085" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">talks an ungodly amounts of shit</a>. <b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6:40pm FOX: </b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Authorities in the City of Philadelphia are <a href="https://deadspin.com/they-ve-greased-poles-in-philadelphia-in-preparation-fo-1822278127">greasing the light poles</a> in anticipation of a win from the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/21/16911740/philadelphia-eagles-minnesota-vikings-dog-masks-nfc-championship">underdog</a> Eagles, who are again hosting a playoff game at the Linc, now with <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/18/16905560/eagles-vikings-nfc-championship-field-playing-conditions-slippery">one third of their terrible field improved!</a> After last week's 'Minnesota Miracle,' the Vikings' <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/videos/2018/1/19/16905950/minnesotas-vicious-defense-is-going-to-be-a-tough-matchup-for-the-eagles">vicious defense</a> faces an Eagles offensive line that <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/18/16906362/eagles-offensive-line-nfl-playoffs-2018">bulldozed my Dirty Birds out of the playoffs</a> last week. While the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2018/1/17/16893068/jeff-fisher-quarterback-case-keenum-nick-foles-nfc-championship-vikings-eagles">two Jeff Fisher-era Rams QB castoffs</a> prepare for the big game, </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Vikes fans are taunting Philly residents by <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/21/16916468/vikings-fans-skol-rocky-steps-philadelphia-eagles">doing the 'Skol' chant on the Rocky Steps</a>. Hmmm... I wonder what happened <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/16/16896384/sean-payton-troll-skol-vikings-saints-stefon-diggs">last time someone tried to troll people with that chant</a>? Win or lose, Eagles fans are sure to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/platform/amp/lookit/2018/1/16/16898090/eagles-fan-arrested-punching-police-horse">punch horses</a>, <a href="https://deadspin.com/they-ve-greased-poles-in-philadelphia-in-preparation-fo-1822278127">climb greased up poles</a>, and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/mayfaircivicassociation/permalink/10160078675670106/">destroy anything lying around</a>, which makes me happy to watch this games from a safe distance in New York.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-66074346547189226332018-01-13T14:56:00.000-05:002018-01-13T14:56:14.141-05:00i <heart> nfl: divisional weekend!<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Welcome to the second week of playoff football! All the teams are playing this weekend, and most games are predicted to be close. While the definition of what constitutes a catch was last season's officiating controversy, this season it's the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/13/16885316/nfl-forward-progress-rule-explained">definition of forward progress</a>, and it's already had <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/8/16861566/titans-chiefs-marcus-mariota-fumble-forward-progress-rule-nfl-referees-wild-card-weekend">quite an effect</a> on Wildcard Weekend. In non-playoff-related NFL news, the Cleveland Browns' <a href="https://deadspin.com/wonderful-miserable-browns-fans-throw-perfect-season-1821842220">0-16 perfect season parade</a> went on as planned.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sat 4:35pm NBC</u></b> (My couch, Center City, Philly): It's too bad the Philadelphia Eagles <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/11/16875298/eagles-vs-falcons-nick-foles-carson-wentz-nfl-playoffs-2018">won't soar</a> with backup QB Nick Foles under center, and as the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/8/16863820/eagles-falcons-underdog-vegas-odds">first No. 1 seed to open the postseason as an underdog</a>, they face my Dirty Birds squadron that have <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/6/16858972/takk-mckinley-sack-dance-jared-goff-rams-falcons">found their defense</a> <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-falcons-defense-is-finding-itself-at-just-the-right-1821914270">at just the right time</a> and whose o-line is <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/6/16859090/alex-mack-devonta-freeman-touchdown-falcons-rams">literally carrying the offense</a>. <b>8:15pm CBS:</b> After <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/6/16858614/marcus-mariotas-playoff-td-to-himself-titans-chiefs">catching his own touchdown pass</a> led to a comeback win over the KC Reidskins (surprise!), QB Marcus Mariota and his Tennessee Titans look to make NE Pats QB Tom Brady <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/10/16873390/kevin-byard-tom-brady-blake-bortles-divisional-round">look like Blake Bortles</a> as <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/10/16874218/titans-vs-patriots-logan-ryan-matchup-tom-brady">their defense plans to be everywhere</a>. Pats TE the Gronk, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/12/16886936/rob-gronkowski-said-dont-eat-tide-pods-so-dont-f-cking-eat-tide-pods">who knows not to eat Tide Pods</a> (cause that's a thing for some reason) and <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/31/16835982/rob-gronkowski-69-receptions-no-targets-so-nice">has 69 receptions for the season,</a> will be active for the game, whereas the <a href="https://deadspin.com/tom-brady-allowed-deepak-chopras-son-to-follow-him-arou-1821917159/amp">superficially spiritual</a> Tom Brady will put anything in his body <a href="https://deadspin.com/tom-bradys-quack-trainer-releases-statement-reaffirming-1821825713">his quack trainer tells him to</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1:05 CBS:</u></b> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/bills-nfl-fans-lose-battle-of-offensive-incompetence-1821857365" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">losing the battle of offensive incompetence</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, Jax Jags QB Blake Bortles, who already <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/24/16817016/wait-that-jaguars-fan-is-blake-bortles-wtf">looks very much like Blake Bortles</a>, travels to a Yinzburgh <strike><a href="https://deadspin.com/somethings-up-with-todd-haley-and-his-night-at-tequila-1821787802">Tequila Cowboys</a></strike> Steelers team featuring star WR Antonio Brown as a game-time decision against a stout Jags defense. Not being able to predict the future, I can tell you that the Jags will <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/12/16880762/joe-mande-jason-mendoza-jacksonville-jaguars-blake-bortles-the-good-place">never win the Super Bowl</a>. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>4:40pm FOX:</b> The Minnie Vikes are hoping to be <a href="http://www.espn.com/blog/nflnation/post/_/id/259944/could-vikings-be-first-team-to-play-super-bowl-on-its-home-field">the first team to play the Super Bowl at home</a>, as they host football team and <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/platform/amp/2018/1/8/16862788/saints-panthers-newspaper-cover-times-picayune">Panthers new owner</a> the NO Saints.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-92186210728683814922018-01-06T15:39:00.000-05:002018-01-06T15:39:05.741-05:00i <heart> nfl: wildcard weekend!<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Welcome to the first week of playoff football! Before we get to the games, let's tally up all the coach firings this season! Ben McAdoo (Giants) was the first to get shitcanned, followed by Chuck Pagano (Colts), John Fox (Bears), Jim Caldwell (Lions), and Jack del Rio (Raiders). On to the games!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU4b2F-dlScsWaFMTIXdT18VQGoYt_hL83kMWr7EzNzImFj6xjBxpnHIyOHVqVc64hTnURggGPtT3UcbG3Uy6HqC17GNbJQNAz4u-FH2Z1WouKVzCCzPW81kfuWmvFXy4q-ykydEOcsYwf/s1600/sweatpunts.0.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="311" data-original-width="553" height="358" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU4b2F-dlScsWaFMTIXdT18VQGoYt_hL83kMWr7EzNzImFj6xjBxpnHIyOHVqVc64hTnURggGPtT3UcbG3Uy6HqC17GNbJQNAz4u-FH2Z1WouKVzCCzPW81kfuWmvFXy4q-ykydEOcsYwf/s640/sweatpunts.0.gif" width="640" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sat 4:35pm ESPN</u></b> (PJ Leahy's, LIC, NYC): After <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/31/16811778/tennessee-titans-clinch-wild-card-2017-nfl-playoffs-afc-south">battling inconsistencies</a>, find out if the Tennessee Titans will <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/1/16837866/nfl-playoffs-2018-titans-marcus-mariota-wild-card">get after it</a> or are a bunch of <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/malarkey">Mularkey</a> against the <a href="https://deadspin.com/andy-reid-did-a-press-conference-dressed-as-santa-1821566536">classic Santa</a> <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/ftw/2017/01/16/andy-reid-still-doesnt-know-how-to-manage-a-clock-and-it-cost-the-chiefs-another-playoff-game/96629656/?utm_source%3Dfeedblitz%26utm_medium%3DFeedBlitzRss%26utm_campaign%3Dusatodaycomnfl-topstories&showmenu=true">clock management</a> and <a href="https://arrowheadaddict.com/2017/11/14/chiefs-midseason-report-biggest-surprise-2017-far/">offensive powerhouse</a> QB Alex Smith of the KC Reidskins. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>8:15pm NBC:</b> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My Dirty Birds look to </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/4/16846610/atlanta-falcons-nfl-playoffs-2018-offensive-line" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">disrespect</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> the LA Rams, who have gone from </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/24/16748698/nfl-playoffs-2017-los-angeles-rams-nfc-west-jared-goff-todd-gurley-no-jeff-fisher" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">'7-9 bullshit' to the playoffs</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> for the first time in over a decade by creating the <a href="https://deadspin.com/how-the-rams-suddenly-created-the-nfls-scariest-offense-1821811735">NFL's scariest offense</a>, on their way back to <a href="https://deadspin.com/falcons-earn-another-chance-to-spectacularly-choke-in-t-1821685284">choking in the Super Bowl</a>. As the City of Angels still hasn't <a href="http://www.nj.com/eagles/index.ssf/2017/12/watch_rams_introduction_at_la_coliseum_booed_by_ea.html">taken to the Rams</a>, I hope for SoCal-based Falcons fans to create a road-game-like environment for them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1:05pm CBS</u></b> (still deciding): The Bills were propelled to the playoffs by the Cincy Bengals clutch win over my beloved Ravens last week, and Bills fans have returned the favor by <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/1/16838838/andy-dalton-foundation-donations-bills-playoffs">donating $17 contributions</a> to Andy Dalton's charity and <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/5/16852870/bills-buffalo-wings-bengals-nfl-playoffs">feeding the Bengals chicken wings</a>, however this is <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2018/1/2/16842762/bengals-fans-livid-marvin-lewis-extension">cold comfort</a> for Bengals fans given that the Cincy win <a href="https://deadspin.com/just-kidding-the-bengals-will-never-get-rid-of-marvin-1821719700">sealed another contract extension</a> for HC Marvin Lewis. Now, the Jax Jags, along with <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/3/16845116/jaguars-blake-bortles-nfl-playoffs-2018">untrusty QB Blake Bortles</a>, look to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/5/16781498/jacksonville-jaguars-nfl-playoffs-2017-attitude-defense-blake-bortles">piss off</a> a Bills squadron that had just this season <a href="https://deadspin.com/bills-bench-tyrod-taylor-for-nathan-peterman-1820472359">benched their playoff QB</a>. </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4:40pm FOX:</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> New Orleans Saints HC Sean Payton hopes to bring a </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/sean-payton-and-dirk-koetter-get-into-weird-chest-slapp-1821694799" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">strong Three Stooges game</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> to Carolina Panthers HC </span><a href="http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2613159-the-origin-and-evolution-of-riverboat-ron-how-madden-mentorship-shaped-rivera" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Riverboat Ron's</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/5/16842396/ron-rivera-t-shirts-panthers" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">strong T-shirt look</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-83312338126079176742017-12-31T14:18:00.000-05:002017-12-31T14:18:01.062-05:00i <heart> nfl: betsy devos<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last week saw the addition of the KC Chiefs, LA Rams, NO Aints, and Carolina Panthers to the postseason roster. The final 2 spots in the AFC will go to two of the Ravens, Titans, Bills (!?), or Chargers, with the final NFC slot going to either the Falcons or Seahawks. As is done with soccer (metric football) matches, the NFL has <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/12/24/16817278/week-17-schedule-2017-sunday-night-game">flexed all the playoff-deciding games to 4:25pm</a> this afternoon to ensure the outcome of one game doesn't affect the play of another. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1pm:</u></b> There's no reason to watch any of these games. Instead, spend time reflecting on 2017 and contemplating what 2018 will bring.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>4:25pm on the dot:</u></b> After playing <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/24/16816400/falcons-saints-recap-butt-interception">like butt</a> last week, my Dirty Birds seal their spot in the playoffs with a win </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">as the Carolina Panthers </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/ron-rivera-encourages-team-to-rally-around-alleged-hara-1821590851" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">rally around sexual harasser</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, </span><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=scowl+jerry+richardson&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=l8FTEb3Hi1rzTM%253A%252CavgNtuTzxh1EoM%252C_&usg=__e5I7gCjak_O_yeH89WIDwT3ZcMk%3D&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj6-vz98rTYAhWsS98KHX-wAXIQ9QEIODAC#imgrc=l8FTEb3Hi1rzTM:" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">dictionary definition of 'scowl</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">'</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, and </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/jerry-richardson-will-sell-the-panthers-1821373080" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">soon-to-be-former owner</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Jerry Richardson. The Seahawks, otherwise, could sneak into the postseason by defeating <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/26/16819414/bruce-arians-cardinals-retirement-rumors">whatever is going on between</a> the Zony Cards and HC Bruce Arians. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whether the Jax Jags start QB Blake Bortles or </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/24/16817016/wait-that-jaguars-fan-is-blake-bortles-wtf" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">his clone</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> will dictate the difficulty of the Titans in winning their matchup, which would guarantee them a playoff spot. My beloved Ravens <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/27/16821746/john-harbaugh-nfl-ravens-week-17-schedule">hope to have enough fans</a> at M&T Bank Stadium before NYE Stoop Party Time (which starts early in Baltimore), as a win against the Hapless Cincy Bagels and their <a href="http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/21792494/marvin-lewis-planning-leave-cincinnati-bengals-season">lame duck coach</a> also guarantees a playoff ticket. The Buffalo Bills might want to keep <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/12/24/16816474/tom-brady-patriots-bills-with-15-men-on-the-field">just 11 men on the field</a>, since they need both a win and some help, as do the LA Chargers, who <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/15/16780828/chargers-turnaround-2017-nfl-playoffs-afc-west-chiefs-philip-rivers">finally became the team they were meant to be</a> just when it was too late.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-68132528726822994992017-12-23T19:53:00.000-05:002017-12-23T19:53:46.499-05:00i <heart> nfl: rick perry<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yours truly just returned from Asia, so apologies for no NFL update last week. Let's get things back up to speed with congratulations to the NE Pats, Yinzburgh Stillers, Jax Jags (!?), Philly Eagles, and Minnie Vikes for securing spots in the postseason. With only 2 weeks remaining in the regular season, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/12/23/16801688/2018-nfl-playoffs-standings-clinching-scenarios-week-16">here are the possible scenarios</a> for your team to make it in one of the remaining seven spots. In other news, <a href="https://deadspin.com/jerry-richardson-will-sell-the-panthers-1821373080">the Panthers are for sale</a> after team owner Jerry Richardson, the type of person that <a href="https://deadspin.com/jerry-jones-wishes-there-were-more-people-like-jerry-ri-1821383017">the Double J insists we need more of</a>, found himself <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/15/16783264/jerry-richardson-carolina-panthers-owner-investigation-workplace-misconduct-allegations">under investigation for workplace misconduct</a>. The XFL is <a href="https://deadspin.com/xfl-plans-get-more-concrete-as-vince-mcmahon-tries-to-p-1821522729">getting revived</a> as a <a href="https://deadspin.com/timing-of-trademarks-suggests-new-xfl-may-be-a-respon-1821393884">response to national anthem protests</a>. And the <a href="https://deadspin.com/amazing-online-hoax-welcomes-washington-redhawks-to-t-1821260116">internet was p0wned</a> for a couple hours when the Washington franchise decided to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/12/13/16771942/washington-nfl-team-name-change-redhawks-hoax">change their name to the Redhawks</a>.</span><br />
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Sat 4:30pm:</u></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> My beloved Ravens are </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/11/16760780/baltimore-ravens-pittsburgh-steelers-fumble-clock-rule" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">running out of time</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/21/16805406/nfl-playoff-picture-2017-ravens-afc-wild-card" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to make some noise</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> in the postseason, but helped their effort with a win over the </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/14/16779242/couple-married-colts-broncos-game" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">betrothed</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Indy Colts. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>SatNF:</u></b> In a division rivalry game of little consequence, the eliminated Packers host the NFC North Champion Minnie Vikes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1pm:</u></b> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/19/16794184/falcons-playoffs-wild-card-buccaneers-mnf-matt-ryan-julio-jones">In control of their destiny</a>, my Dirty Birds are ready to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/12/18/16794110/matt-ryan-falcons-sanu-get-fucking-set-video-lol-nfl-falcons">get fucking set</a> for the playoffs by <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/19/16795938/atlanta-falcons-ate-a-w-jameis-must-be-hungry">eating a W</a> against hated division rival NO Aints and <a href="https://deadspin.com/dipshit-saints-fan-sues-team-over-anthem-protests-1821252964">their dipshit fans</a>. Fans of the Buffalo Bills are faced with <a href="https://deadspin.com/bills-fan-knocked-cold-in-collision-with-good-old-human-1821367633">the cold collision</a> of reality that they likely need to win out the season, starting against a NE Pats team <a href="https://nypost.com/2015/08/10/tom-brady-inspired-my-hair-transplant/">manely</a> focused on <a href="https://deadspin.com/tom-brady-gets-snappy-when-asked-about-his-sketchy-guru-1821539038">banning Tom Brady's quack guru</a> <a href="https://deadspin.com/report-tom-bradys-quack-doctor-banned-from-patriots-pl-1821446962">from team facilities</a>. It turns out the 0-14 Cleveland Browns <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/14/16776992/john-dorsey-cleveland-browns-sashi-brown-real-players">don't have real players</a> which is why they're <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/21/16807382/cleveland-browns-stats-chart-party">living in Hell</a> as they look to give da Bears a <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/19/16796882/browns-vip-experience-they-are-bad">Browns VIP experience</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>4pm-ish:</u></b> Bitch, the Seattle Seahawks <a href="https://deadspin.com/seahawks-malik-mcdowell-during-arrest-bitch-i-got-la-1821292575">got that lawyer money</a> that they'll need to pay the <a href="https://deadspin.com/seahawks-become-first-ever-team-fined-for-violating-con-1821508672">first concussion protocol violation ever levied</a>, as they face a Dallas Cowboys side where b</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">oth teams require victory and help from their NFC compatriots in order to punch a ticket to the playoffs.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Xmas 4:30pm:</u></b> The Texas Houstons turn <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/22/16812744/jadeveon-clowney-trash-cans-houston-texans-jaguars-fans">one team's trash into little kids' treasure</a> after the Yinzburgh Stillers left a <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-steelers-final-play-was-a-real-mess-1821383461">real mess</a> <a href="https://deadspin.com/mike-tomlin-mangles-metaphor-1821231911">in the kitchen</a> last week. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>XNF:</u></b> After losing starting QB Carson Wentz to a season-ending ACL tear, the Eagles need to achieve <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/11/16761320/carson-wentz-injury-update-eagles-plan-nfl-playoffs-2017-nick-foles">plan/prayer parity</a> with backup <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/11/16759938/carson-wentz-injury-philadelphia-eagles-nick-foles">Nick Foles back under center</a>, as they look for home field advantage against an Oakland Raiders squadron that was eliminated from playoff contention by the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/21/16807394/al-riveron-gene-steratore-nfl-officials-first-down-measurement-paper-note-card">edge of a notecard</a>.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-42167140135748547412017-12-10T13:51:00.000-05:002017-12-10T13:51:55.500-05:00i <heart> nfl: ben carson<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The big news this week is that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell will remain <a href="https://deadspin.com/roger-goodell-to-remain-obscenely-wealthy-1821079241">obscenely wealthy</a> after his <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/12/7/16745742/roger-goodell-contract-reaction-yikes">$200 million five-year contract extension</a>. Also, there's been some coach/GM firings, as you'll read below.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>TNF:</u></b> The NO Aints <a href="https://deadspin.com/sean-payton-claims-he-doesnt-remember-shit-talking-devo-1821120124">don't remember</a> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/8/16751146/sean-payton-devonta-freeman-choking-saints-falcons">choking against</a> my Dirty Birds in an exciting matchup featuring <a href="http://screengrabber.deadspin.com/falcons-win-in-wild-finish-after-brees-interception-and-1821109681">lots of interceptions</a>, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/7/16748726/saints-field-goal-falcons-penalty-first-half">half-ending illegal formation penalties</a>, <a href="https://deadspin.com/julio-jones-is-incredible-even-on-defense-1821128222">WRs making open-field tackles</a>, and a <a href="http://screengrabber.deadspin.com/falcons-win-in-wild-finish-after-brees-interception-and-1821109681">coach getting flagged</a> for unsportsmanlike conduct. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1pm:</u></b> Good news for fans of <a href="http://www.manningface.com/">Manningface</a>! The NYFG have mercifully fired both <a href="https://deadspin.com/ben-mcadoo-mercifully-fired-1820977035">head coach</a> and <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/4/16733930/giants-fire-general-manager-jerry-reese-ben-mcadoo">general manager</a> and QB Eli Manning <a href="https://deadspin.com/put-away-your-pitchforks-eli-manning-is-starting-again-1821057054">is back as the starter</a> against the underperforming Dallas Cowboys. <a href="https://deadspin.com/browns-fire-brown-are-still-the-browns-1821087141">The (Cleveland) Browns fired (GM Sashi) Brown</a> on their way to the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/12/7/16746326/browns-fans-0-16-parade-cleveland-nfl">0-16 parade</a>, but at least WR Josh Gordon is back to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/3/16731492/josh-gordon-cleveland-browns-return-chargers-deshone-kizer">lighting things up</a> on the field, as they host a GB Packers team <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/4/16730594/nfl-playoff-picture-2017-aaron-rodgers-injury-packers">biding time</a> until the return of Aaron Rodgers.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>4pm-ish:</u></b> As a fan of parlays, it's good to know that the 3-9 Denver Broncos can still make the playoffs if <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/9/16748790/broncos-afc-playoff-picture-scenario-eliminated-wild-card">these 27 results go just right</a>, the first of which is a win against the </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">N-Y-J-E-T-S. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After QB Russell Wilson prepared himself </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/8/16752722/russell-wilson-google-again-seahawks-jaguars" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">with Google</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and their WRs prepared themselves for</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/8/16753002/doug-baldwin-jalen-ramsey-trash-talk-richard-sherman-seahawks-jaguars" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">shittalk with Richard Sherman</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, can the Seattle Seahawks perform another</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/4/16735846/pete-carroll-neil-degrasse-tyson-russell-wilsons-forward-lateral-seahawks-eagles" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Galilean transformation</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">for the win against a suddenly</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/8/16751210/nfl-playoffs-2017-race-afc-jaguars-ravens-patriots-steelers" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">dangerous</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jax Jags defense and their</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/doug-marrones-ideal-meal-is-a-bologna-sandwich-by-himse-1820996104" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">bologna-sandwich-enjoying</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">head coach? The LA Rams have put out <a href="https://deadspin.com/fox-is-seeking-los-angeles-area-actors-who-can-pretend-1821152419">a literal casting call</a> for "fans" to "cheer" for their "favorite team" against a Philly Eagles squadron that can likely boast more of their own <a href="https://deadspin.com/philly-fans-are-the-new-worst-1821046429">new worst fans</a> in attendance.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>SNF:</u></b> Fresh off a heated division rivalry that witnessed players lost to <a href="https://deadspin.com/oh-god-this-was-all-so-brutal-1821002618">injury</a> and <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/5/16738052/juju-smith-schuster-suspended-1-game-vontaze-burfict-concussion-bengals-steelers">suspension</a> alike, the Yinzburg Steelers face <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/10/16753814/steelers-ravens-afc-north-nfl-rivalry-respect-bengals">another heated division rivalry</a> in my beloved yet <a href="https://deadspin.com/imagine-how-good-the-ravens-would-be-if-joe-flacco-were-1821127703">not-quite-elite</a> Ravens looking to <a href="https://deadspin.com/joe-flacco-ate-the-w-1820973200">eat another W</a>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>MNF:</u></b> QB, purveyor of <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/4/16732188/tom-brady-instagram-twitter-buffalo-bills-tb-times-croc">awkward social media</a>, and <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/3/16730566/tom-brady-josh-mcdaniels-fight-patriots-screaming">whiny bitch</a> Tom Brady is going to be with one less target after NE Pats TE Gronk was suspended for a <a href="https://deadspin.com/even-bill-belichick-knew-gronks-late-hit-was-bullshit-1820976184">bullshit late hit</a>, as they take on a MIA Fins side that, err...., <a href="https://deadspin.com/julius-thomas-scores-touchdown-fucks-football-1820983429">really loves football</a>.</span></div>
nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-56563447028931899372017-12-03T12:59:00.002-05:002017-12-03T12:59:57.580-05:00i <heart> nfl: eric hargan<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With great sadness I report <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/1/16724164/tom-brady-eli-manning-benching-pretty-unfortunate-situation">the unfortunate situation</a> that is <a href="https://deadspin.com/giants-bench-eli-manning-for-geno-smith-1820811108">the end of Manningface for the season</a>. With surprising constancy <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/15/16651710/nfl-head-coach-hot-seat-ben-mcadoo-giants-browns-colts">at the HC position</a> yet not the QB position, the 'classy' NYFG <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-giants-really-screwed-up-eli-mannings-exit-1820874387">botched Eli's benching</a> and will be <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/28/16712310/geno-smith-first-black-quarterback-eli-manning-new-york-giants">the last franchise to start a black quarterback</a> in the form of Geno Smith (fresh from the other NY team). Given the <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-nfl-s-quarterback-middle-class-is-dying-1820880389">paucity of middling QB performance</a> in the NFL, Manning will <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/28/16712312/eli-manning-giants-rumors-free-agency-what-next">likely be traded</a> in time to make silly faces for us next season.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>TNF:</u></b> Even after <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/30/16722394/washington-cowboys-13-men-on-field-penalty">stuffing the defense</a>, the Washington <i>[Redacted]</i> were in <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/11/28/16713348/washington-color-rush-thursday-night-football">no color rush</a> to defeat division rival Dallas Cowboys, whose QB Dak Prescott is <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/1/16724876/dak-prescott-dez-bryant-connection-dallas-cowboys">starting to connect</a> with star WR Dez Bryant.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1pm:</u></b> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Starting to resemble their </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/27/16701806/nfl-playoff-picture-2017-falcons-julio-jones-matt-ryan-offense-steve-sarkisian" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2016 NFC Championship form</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, my Dirty Birds look to </span><a href="http://bleacherreport.com/articles/29806-the-forgotten-classic-falcons-upset-vikings-in-98-nfc-championship" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">party like it's 1998</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> as they bring the Minnesota Vikings to </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/8/26/16141026/new-atlanta-falcons-mercedes-benz-stadium-peach-bowl-sec-championship-playoff" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">their new nest</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/28/16704164/jimmy-garoppolo-starting-qb-49ers-bears-future" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Jimmy Garoppolo era begins</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> for the Santa Clara 49ers against da Bears, who aside from trying not to </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/1/16725768/bears-49ers-akiem-hicks-mom-lol" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">disappoint their mothers</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/john-fox-on-bears-we-don-t-know-exactly-what-we-re-do-1820850295" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">don't know exactly what they're doing</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/27/16708526/houston-texans-baltimore-ravens-recap-mnf-monday-night-football" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No need for high fives</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> with my beloved Ravens embodying the life lesson of </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/28/16709680/joe-flacco-elite-contract-ravens-offense-playoffs-boring" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"you don’t have to be good all the time, only when people are watching,"</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> as their </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/27/16708340/sam-koch-fake-punt-elite-baltimore-ravens-houston-texans" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">elite punter</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/11/28/16708798/ravens-playoff-race-joe-flacco-week-12-afc-wild-card" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">keeps them in the playoff picture</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> because the AFC is dogshit this season and face a D'town Lions team that </span><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/03/us/detroit-silverdome-implosion-attempt/index.html" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">can't even implode their old stadium</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. The Broncos and Dolphins face each other live from <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/12/2/16720528/broncos-dolphins-quarterback-future-paxton-lynch-ryan-tannehill-jay-cutler-draft">QB purgatory</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>4pm-ish:</u></b> Zony Cards backup QB Blaine Gabbert gets a bad rap <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/16/16666634/blaine-gabbert-shitty-teams-bruce-arians-cardinals-49ers-jaguars">'because he was on really shitty teams,'</a> but now he's <a href="https://deadspin.com/blaine-gabbert-had-his-revenge-on-jacksonville-1820752968">dialing up W's</a> yet will have a hard time against an LA Rams team that <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/1/16723756/todd-gurley-rams-td-celebrations">doesn't have time for your fancy celebrations</a>, featuring a re-made QB Jared Goff <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/14/16613112/los-angeles-rams-nfl-playoffs-2017-jared-goff">primed for a playoff push</a>. <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/11/14/16649800/cam-newton-hat-rankings-panthers-nfl">Which hat</a> will Carolina Panthers QB Cam Newton wear against <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/28/16707910/nfl-coaching-mistakes-2017-week-12-sean-payton-saints-mike-mccarthy-todd-bowles">a potentially over-conservative</a> NO Aints squadron in this <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/12/1/16723740/saints-vs-panthers-nfl-playoff-picture-standings-decisive-nfc-south-matchup">decisive NFC South matchup</a>?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>SNF:</u></b> Philadelphia Eagles QB <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/11/27/16704964/prince-harry-wedding-carson-wentz-same-person">Prince Harry</a> needs to take care of that <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/27/16707014/doug-pederson-eagles-carson-wentz-premature-explosion-lol">premature explosion</a> problem before his wedding night as he faces the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/12/3/16721488/carson-wentz-nfl-mvp-race-eagles-seahawks-sunday-night-football">toughest defense of his breakout season</a> in the Seattle Seahawks.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>MNF:</u></b> After <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/26/16703654/antonio-brown-catch-steelers-packers">miraculously escaping a loss</a> to the GB Pack last week, the Yinzburgh Steelers have to watch out for a Cincy Bagels squad that's out to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/30/16719836/cincinnati-bengals-pittsburgh-steelers-mnf-rivalry-week-13">ruin their Christmas</a>.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-57924213873859577322017-11-26T12:54:00.000-05:002017-11-26T12:54:05.309-05:00i <heart> nfl: alex acosta<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Welcome to Week 12: Thanksgiving Edition of NFL action! By virtue of the holiday, three games have already been played, but since BYE weeks are now over, we still have 13 matchu<span id="gmail-m_7525332267874423333goog_1410366420"></span><a href="http:" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank"></a><span id="gmail-m_7525332267874423333goog_1410366421"></span>ps to complete for the remainder of the weekend. In other news, you are probably aware that <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-nfl-cant-stick-to-sports-and-its-all-the-nfls-fault-1820504568" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">the NFL can't stick to sports and it's all the NFL's fault</a>, so the NFL may go back to <a href="https://deadspin.com/report-nfl-may-go-back-to-keeping-players-in-locker-ro-1820681619" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">keeping players stay in the locker room during the anthem</a>. NFL <a href="https://deadspin.com/how-jerry-jones-became-the-nfls-shadow-commissioner-1820330332" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">Shadow Commissioner</a> Jerry Jones as threatening to go after actual NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/17/16669768/jerry-jones-threatened-roger-goodell-nfl-ezekiel-elliott-suspension" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">'with everything he has,'</a> but instead is <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/16/16665584/jerry-jones-roger-goodell-contract-fight-lawsuit-nfl" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">pissing off all the other owners with his 'antics'</a> and now <a href="https://deadspin.com/report-nfl-owners-have-discussed-how-to-kick-out-jerry-1820490135" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">they're looking for a way to remove him</a>. Also, Papa John's Pizza has <a href="https://deadspin.com/how-jerry-jones-became-the-nfls-shadow-commissioner-1820330332" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">apologized for blaming slumping sales on the national anthem protests</a>. Oh vey! In lighter news, it's very appropriate that the Georgia Dome, former home of the Atlanta Falcons, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/20/16678860/georgia-dome-implosion-video-atlanta-falcons-united-fc" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">was demolished</a> the same day they played the Seahawks. However, Seahawks HC and <a href="https://deadspin.com/is-pete-carroll-a-9-11-truther-513149713" style="color: #1155cc;">9-11/truther</a> Pete Carroll must be <a href="https://deadspin.com/cameraman-is-so-mad-at-bus-that-blocked-view-of-georgia-1820616503" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">pissed off he couldn't get a full view</a> because the game was in Seattle. And in other Atlanta-related news, here's Chad Ochocinco <a href="https://deadspin.com/chad-johnson-busts-his-ass-on-a-skateboard-1820597213" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">busting his ass on a skateboard</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>Thanksgiving:</u></b> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Minnie Vikes are attempting <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/19/16676334/mike-zimmer-bad-challenge-vikings-rams" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">the challenge</a> of becoming <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/19/16676334/mike-zimmer-bad-challenge-vikings-rams" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">the first team to play the Super Bowl at home</a>, as they edged out the division rival D'town Lions. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Double J has <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/19/16677650/jerry-jones-dallas-cowboys-offensive-line" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">threatened his Cowboys to play better or else</a>, but it seems now that <a href="https://deadspin.com/its-conspiracy-theory-time-for-cowboys-fans-1820720872" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">fans have discovered the conspiracy against them</a>, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/24/16696578/jerry-jones-cowboys-turn-it-around-dak-prescott-ezekiel-elliott" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">the Cowboys can turn things around</a> after losing to the LA Chargers, who are the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/11/22/16679960/nfl-playoff-picture-chargers-afc-west-chiefs-raiders-broncos" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">only team looking to win the AFC West</a>. </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/11/20/16679484/kirk-cousins-yule-like-that-christmas-sweaters-nooope" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">Yule like that</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> the Washington <i>[Redacted]</i> overcame the adversity of </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/washingtons-shitty-turf-is-hurting-the-team-again-1820723879" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">playing on their home turf</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> to earn those </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/23/16695568/vernon-davis-sweet-potato-yams-2017" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">sweet potato yams</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> and showed the NYFG </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/giants-find-yet-another-way-to-fail-1820588248" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">another way to fail</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> so that </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/23/16695472/ben-mcadoo-kid-giants-washington-thanksgiving" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">these kids will be fired</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1pm</u></b> (PJ Leahy's, LIC, NYC): Having barely made it out of Mexico City <a href="https://deadspin.com/bill-belichick-thank-god-we-made-it-out-of-mexico-city-1820628197" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">without any earthquakes or volcanic eruptions</a>, the NE Pats host a <a href="https://www.thephinsider.com/miami-dolphins-injuries/2017/11/25/16699412/dolphins-at-patriots-week-12-injury-report-headlined-by-jay-cutler-chris-hogan" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">Cutler-less</a> MIA Dolphins. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Buffalo Bills still <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/20/16680752/tyrod-taylor-nathan-peterman-bills-sean-mcdermott-lol-why" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">can't decide</a> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/22/16682804/bills-starter-tyrod-taylor-nathan-peterman" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">whether they like</a> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/19/16676850/nathan-peterman-bills-interception-starter-tyrod-taylor" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">throwing 5 interceptions in a half</a> <a href="https://deadspin.com/tyrod-taylor-is-the-bills-starter-again-because-why-no-1820676576" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">or not</a>, as they take on </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a KC Reidskins side featuring <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/22/14784794/darrelle-revis-signs-chiefs-nfl" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">a landlocked Revis Island</a> and interceptions thrown by </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/19/16676352/giants-chiefs-recap-final-score-week-11-2017" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">QB and TE alike</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. </span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">After </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/20/16683388/julio-jones-mohamed-sanu-catches-falcons-seahawks-secondary" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">embarrassing the depleted Seattle secondary</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">, it shouldn't be much of </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/11/12/16640258/ryan-fitzpatrick-rubiks-cubes-shaving-no-shave-november" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">a puzzle</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> for my Dirty Birds to bring those same talents to the TB Bucs defense, with </span><a href="https://www.foxsports.com/nfl/story/ryan-fitzpatrick-buffalo-bills-harvard-degree-reputation-052011" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">everyone's favorite Harvard grad</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> Ryan Fitzpatrick </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/11/12/16640258/ryan-fitzpatrick-rubiks-cubes-shaving-no-shave-november" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">shaving during No Shave November</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>4pm-ish:</u></b> </span><span style="color: #1e1e1e; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/19/16677044/brock-osweiler-god-damn-it-no-pre-snap-adjustment-broncos-bengals" style="color: #1155cc;">NO! God damn it, no!</a> This AFC West rival game will appear on both of our TVs, featuring between the Broncos, <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-broncos-are-a-mess-1820612100" style="color: #1155cc;">who are a mess</a> and <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/20/16679320/broncos-fire-mike-mccoy-vance-joseph-offense" style="color: #1155cc;">just fired their OC</a>, and the Raiders, <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/19/16676806/tony-romo-obi-melifonwu-what-are-you-doing-patriots-raiders" style="color: #1155cc;">who blow their plays before they even start</a>. LA Rams QB <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/17/16670730/jared-goff-audibles-sean-mcvay-rams-ric-flair-tupac-obama-elvis" style="color: #1155cc;">Jared Goff's play calls</a> won't even need <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1w8n0L3uUCE" style="color: #1155cc;">to be lip synced</a> as they host the NO Aints, who are missing their <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/17/16668680/pittsburgh-steelers-new-orleans-saints-celebration-theft" style="color: #1155cc;">signature team photo celebration</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>SNF:</u></b> The Yinzburgh Steelers look to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/16/16668716/steelers-titans-fumble-roller-antonio-brown-martavis-bryant" style="color: #1155cc;">fumble forward</a> against a <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/11/19/16676520/packers-players-invisible-cbs-down-distance-marker" style="color: #1155cc;">disappearing</a> GB Pack squadron that is looking to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/11/19/16676032/ravens-packers-shut-out-at-home-exactly-11-years-after-the-last-time" style="color: #1155cc;">not get shut out again</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>MNF:</u></b> My beloved Ravens aim to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/19/16676348/mike-wallace-touchdown-catch-packers-ravens" style="color: #1155cc;">leap to victory</a> and <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/11/19/16676700/terrell-suggs-ended-the-packers-comeback-hopes-with-a-clutch-sack-then-danced-it-out" style="color: #1155cc;">coordinate a win</a> against a Texas Houstons QB who was <a href="https://deadspin.com/bad-quarterback-performance-of-the-week-tom-savage-was-1820442454" style="color: #1155cc;">born to be strip-sacked</a>.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-31669325126752283722017-11-20T18:05:00.000-05:002017-11-22T14:20:44.980-05:00quantum supremacy<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A term that was much funnier during the previous administration, Caltech theoretical physicist <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://arxiv.org/abs/1203.5813&source=gmail&ust=1511463916146000&usg=AFQjCNGlxNQnh9vQ3aMUyHBUDgaF0UvitQ" href="https://arxiv.org/abs/1203.5813" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">John Preskill coined "quantum supremacy"</a> to mean the point at which a quantum computer is sufficiently large and error-free that it can perform a task that cannot be calculated by the most powerful supercomputer. It's one of the milestones of the field that <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://futurism.com/google-just-revealed-how-theyll-build-quantum-computers/&source=gmail&ust=1511463916146000&usg=AFQjCNHH7QupISkwLlfBjMPVmviXK6Duqg" href="https://futurism.com/google-just-revealed-how-theyll-build-quantum-computers/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">tends to get hyped up</a>, and Google has been at the forefront for <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://arxiv.org/abs/1709.06678&source=gmail&ust=1511463916146000&usg=AFQjCNGMXn3LKCXQWwkKCd4BnqlPRW_cTA" href="https://arxiv.org/abs/1709.06678" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">releasing blueprints to achieve it</a>. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Google maintains they will demonstrate quantum supremacy by <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://www.newscientist.com/article/2138373-google-on-track-for-quantum-computer-breakthrough-by-end-of-2017/&source=gmail&ust=1511463916146000&usg=AFQjCNHGecAVe8Fo19V1knRlKtR2Mm9OPg" href="https://www.newscientist.com/article/2138373-google-on-track-for-quantum-computer-breakthrough-by-end-of-2017/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">the end of this year</a>, although you can watch </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">John Martinis, Head of Quantum Hardware at Google, </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">push that timeline into 2018 </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://youtu.be/M5Ip2C02hWs?t%3D2h34m46s&source=gmail&ust=1511463916146000&usg=AFQjCNFQ8kP5vWd9jXkmLaAYmxgamQ97dQ" href="https://youtu.be/M5Ip2C02hWs?t=2h34m46s" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">here</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> and </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://youtu.be/M5Ip2C02hWs?t%3D2h37m&source=gmail&ust=1511463916146000&usg=AFQjCNEDo8XcHE2PTxgkTz1gnqLNV-MtPQ" href="https://youtu.be/M5Ip2C02hWs?t=2h37m" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">here</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">That we're even talking about this in the near term seems pretty exciting, until you read that Google plans to demonstrate quantum supremacy by </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">randomly choosing qubit operations and showing that the scrambled output is more scrambled than could be made classically (technical details </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://arxiv.org/pdf/1608.00263.pdf&source=gmail&ust=1511463916147000&usg=AFQjCNGlvpQ03x5OsHdltf8mjUWpdrwK-w" href="https://arxiv.org/pdf/1608.00263.pdf" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">here</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">). This quantum </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">speckle problem is analogous to </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a laser pointer, that is, the resulting interference from </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">something coherent going through something chaotic, as described by the man himself John Martinis <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://youtu.be/M5Ip2C02hWs?t%3D1h59m39s&source=gmail&ust=1511463916147000&usg=AFQjCNHSApFt0ErthhIuFGWilYOznFR2Ng" href="https://youtu.be/M5Ip2C02hWs?t=1h59m39s" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">here</a>. Still, researchers think (and hope!) that a quantum computer will demonstrate a <i>useful result</i> that a supercomputer cannot in the next few years.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Last month, </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">IBM researchers </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://www.nextbigfuture.com/2017/10/ibm-simulates-56-qubit-quantum-computer-which-is-beyond-49-qubit-limit.html&source=gmail&ust=1511463916147000&usg=AFQjCNGO244VR6XPnPy4cCIec3kWTkYTsw" href="https://www.nextbigfuture.com/2017/10/ibm-simulates-56-qubit-quantum-computer-which-is-beyond-49-qubit-limit.html" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">simulated the quantum speckle problem with a classical computer</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> for both 49 and 56 qubits. Or, to be more specific, their</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> "results confirm the expected Porter-Thomas distribution as the distribution of the outcome probabilities for universal random circuits," which is exactly what Google is planning to do with a 49-qubit quantum computer. But this result means they'll need more than 56 qubits to show quantum supremacy with the speckle problem. Or they'll have to find a quantum problem </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">for their 49-qubit computer </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">that is immune to the "slicing" technique used by the IBM researchers. Either way, I'll put good money on quantum supremacy not being demonstrated this year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then, </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">IBM announced <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://www.technologyreview.com/s/609451/ibm-raises-the-bar-with-a-50-qubit-quantum-computer/&source=gmail&ust=1511463916147000&usg=AFQjCNEDJB3eYJG-FhvbPWT7IUjFCZrJJA" href="https://www.technologyreview.com/s/609451/ibm-raises-the-bar-with-a-50-qubit-quantum-computer/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">a 50-qubit prototype device</a> and said that <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=http://physicsworld.com/cws/article/news/2017/nov/14/ibm-offers-20-qubit-quantum-computer-to-clients&source=gmail&ust=1511463916147000&usg=AFQjCNEil06Vo14iKPSBqLJ3J8T4I_pO-w" href="http://physicsworld.com/cws/article/news/2017/nov/14/ibm-offers-20-qubit-quantum-computer-to-clients" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">a 20-qubit device will be available to clients</a> by the end of 2017 (IBM already offers access to a 5-qubit and 16-qubit device <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://quantumexperience.ng.bluemix.net/qx/experience&source=gmail&ust=1511463916147000&usg=AFQjCNExCbbMJlvJf-PaGXIaP_bG6APptg" href="https://quantumexperience.ng.bluemix.net/qx/experience" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">to everyone</a>). Qubits in these devices are arranged in a <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=http://www.quantum.nyc/2015/04/&source=gmail&ust=1511463916147000&usg=AFQjCNF7GiQ6n0PyG_dsHnN5OB1EDjWD7A" href="http://www.quantum.nyc/2015/04/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">surface code lattice</a> and reported to have an <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://www-03.ibm.com/press/us/en/pressrelease/53374.wss&source=gmail&ust=1511463916147000&usg=AFQjCNF0f7EwTAYNwI7-Xq_8adAD89LJAQ" href="https://www-03.ibm.com/press/us/en/pressrelease/53374.wss" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">average "coherence time" of 90 microseconds</a>,</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> quite high for superconducting qubits. From <a href="https://www-03.ibm.com/press/us/en/pressrelease/53374.wss">the press release</a>, “Clients will have online access to the computing power of the first IBM Q systems by the end of 2017, with a series of planned upgrades during 2018.” As of now, not much else is known about them, but I'm sure we'll find out more soon. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For devices that operate at a hundredth of a degree above absolute zero, the race for a functional quantum computer is heating up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>[Editor's note: content was modified after the original posting]</i></span></div>
nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-86869081807240273562017-11-19T15:16:00.001-05:002017-11-19T15:22:34.156-05:00i <heart> nfl: wilbur ross<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This week's brief and unpunctual NFL outlook is brought to you by a number of pre-Prohibition cocktails consumed the previous night. Onward!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>TNF:</u></b> The Steelers plan to celebrate their <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/16/16668302/antonio-brown-statue-touchdown-celebration">statuesque</a> win over the Tennessee <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/16/16665794/titans-steelers-color-rush-smurf-look-thursday-night-football">Smurfs</a> with some <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/platform/amp/2017/11/16/16668960/ben-roethlisberger-dilly-dilly-audible-steelers-titans">Bud Light</a>.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1pm:</u></b> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/11/12/16640320/aaron-jones-ty-montgomery-packers-hurt-jamaal-williams">Down to their last RB</a>, who is probably actually a WR, the GB Pack and QB <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/11/14/16648560/aaron-rodgers-jim-the-office-impression-packers">Jim from The Office</a> will <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/17/16670598/martellus-bennett-green-bay-packers-locker-room">try not to quit</a> as host my beloved Ravens and their c<a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/9/16625488/baltimore-ravens-justin-tucker-onside-kick-dan-bailey-johnny-hekker">omplete inability to recover an onside kick</a>. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Jax Jags QB Blake Bortles advises DeShone Kizer of the Browns to </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1e1e1e;"><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/15/16657824/blake-bortles-deshone-kizer-advice-lol">“Try to throw it to your team as much as possible.”</a></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>4pm-ish:</u></b> Only <a href="https://deadspin.com/even-a-naked-idiot-on-the-field-found-the-end-zone-in-b-1820376865">streakers are finding the end zone</a> for the Bills, as they visit an LA Chargers side that can't even <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/12/16640638/chargers-jaguars-fumble-what-lol">run out the clock without fumbling</a>.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>SNF:</u></b> Dallas Cowboys owner The Double J looks to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/16/16667466/south-park-nfl-jerry-jones-episode-attendance">attract new fans to the game</a> by drunkenly making <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/17/16671970/jerry-jones-video-racially-insensitive-joke-cowboys">racially insensitive jokes</a> to distract from the absence of their star running back, who was </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://deadspin.com/ezekiel-elliott-who-was-suspended-un-suspended-suspe-1820487620">suspended, un-suspended, suspended, un-suspended, suspended, un-suspended, and suspended again and now accepts suspension</a> as they host the Philadelphia Eagles.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>MNF:</u></b> My Dirty Birds, with a <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/13/16641808/falcons-adrian-clayborn-sack-record-cowboys-dak-prescott-chaz-green">D-Line featuring</a> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BbbS1i8nGZf/?taken-by=rise_up_atlanta">Dak Prescott's daddy</a>, visit <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/11/12/16639880/seahawks-violated-concussion-protocol-russell-wison">an unexamined</a> Seattle Seahawks squadron reeling from injuries with a loss of both CB <a href="https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/richard-sherman-out-for-the-season-after-suffering-torn-achilles-vs-cardinals/">Richard Sherman</a> and <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/18/16673174/kam-chancellor-seattle-seahawks-injury-neck">Safety Kam Chancellor</a>.</span></span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-3763425185117535932017-11-12T13:18:00.001-05:002017-11-12T13:18:56.906-05:00i <heart> nfl: sonny perdue<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No time to discuss which NFL owners <a href="https://deadspin.com/robert-kraft-among-sports-team-owners-who-appear-in-the-1820308041">appeared in the Paradise Papers</a> this week because we're running late. Onto the games!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>TNF:</u></b> In a game that <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/10/16632882/thursday-night-football-seahawks-doug-baldwin-should-be-illegal-richard-sherman-injury">should be illegal</a>, the Seattle Seahawks dispatched division rival Zony Cards yet lost CB Richard Sherman for the season <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/10/16632562/richard-sherman-injury-press-conference-tears">to a ruptured Achilles</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1pm:</u></b> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just like the fans that need to </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/josh-gordon-says-he-got-drunk-or-high-before-every-game-1820211015" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">get drunk or high</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> to watch the Browns, the players </span><a href="http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/21318161" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">apparently do as well</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, as they </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/browns-dont-worry-our-trade-fuck-up-wasnt-a-strategic-1820201691" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">unstrategically fuck up</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> on the field and off and look to be </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/6/16616386/rock-em-sock-em-robots-lions-touchdown-celebration" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">rocked and socked</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> by the D'town Lions. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While he may want to </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/5/16609522/jameis-winston-eat-w-speech-buccaneers-saints" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">eat that W</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> with all the voracity of </span><a href="https://www.foxsports.com/buzzer/story/jameis-winston-stealing-crab-legs-video-051514" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">crab legs stolen from the local Publix</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, Tampa Bay QB Jameis Winston will be joining </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/6/16614838/mike-evans-suspended-buccaneers-saints" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">suspended</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> WR Mike Evans on the bench </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/6/16614084/jameis-winston-shoulder-injury-out-buccaneers" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">while his throwing shoulder heals</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> as they face a NY J-E-T-S squadron </span><a href="https://www.ganggreennation.com/2017/11/7/16617266/a-historical-timeline-of-jetsdancetoanything" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">that will dance to anything</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. The Colts <a href="https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/the-colts-completely-wasted-andrew-lucks-athletic-prime-and-hosed-their-fans-in-process/">very public ruining</a> of franchise QB Andrew Luck is apparently <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/7/16617376/andrew-luck-shoulder-injury-jim-irsay-colts-owner-mental-issue">just inside his head</a> as they face a <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/29/16568216/steelers-td-celebration-bench-press-leveon-bell">conditioned</a> Yinzburgh Steelers offense that has a <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/7/16618136/juju-smith-schuster-drivers-license-steelers-yay-congrats">license to drive</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>4pm-ish:</u></b> There's <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/5/16610122/falcons-timeout-fox-broadcast-panthers">no time</a> to contemplate <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/5/16609534/julio-jones-dropped-touchdown-falcons-panthers">dropping it like it's hot</a> against a division rival last week, as my <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/5/16609536/matt-ryan-slow-mo-horse-falcons-panthers">frustrated</a> Dirty Birds look to rebound against a Cowboys <a href="https://deadspin.com/ezekiel-elliott-who-was-suspended-un-suspended-suspe-1820307021">without their star suspended, unsuspended, suspended, unsuspended, suspended, unsuspended, but now suspended again RB</a> and with an <a href="https://deadspin.com/jerry-jones-is-not-fucking-around-with-his-attempt-to-b-1820319940">owner who is totally fucking around</a> with the NFL Commissioner. There are <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/5/16610948/rams-vs-giants-ben-mcadoo-halftime-speech-literally-no-words">literally no words</a> for how bad the NYF Giants have been under the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/9/16614384/ben-mcadoo-giants-head-coach-hot-seat-lost-players-respect">soon-to-be-ending stewardship of HC Ben McAdoo</a>, as they <a href="https://deadspin.com/report-the-giants-are-looking-for-their-next-franchise-1820251263">seek to rid themselves</a> of <a href="http://www.manningface.com/">Manningface</a> and are <a href="https://www.bigblueview.com/2017/11/6/16612514/giants-49ers-odds-giants-are-underdogs-to-winless-san-francisco">underdogs against a winless Niners team</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>SNF:</u></b> The NE Pats bring <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/7/16619148/bill-belichick-tom-brady-relationship-fake-news">#fakenews of conflict</a> between HC Bill Belichick and Tom Brady's <a href="http://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/articles/the-secrets-of-tom-bradys-personal-trainer-w479755">personal snake oil salesmen</a> Alex Guerrero to Denver to face a <a href="https://deadspin.com/bad-quarterback-performance-of-the-week-brocks-still-b-1820218516">still-bad</a> Brock Osweiler and his Broncos.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>MNF:</u></b> Panthers QB Cam Newton <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/11/5/16610080/cam-newton-compared-the-panthers-to-the-titanic-let-that-sink-in">aims to steer right into that iceberg</a> as they face the notoriously inconsistent MIA Fins in primetime.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-88004807251976725062017-11-05T12:43:00.000-05:002017-11-05T12:44:39.886-05:00i <heart> nfl: ryan zinke<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Welcome to another week of NFL in our stupid world! Indicative of the Great Unravelling, Papa Johns (<a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/papa-johns-official-pizza-of-the-alt-right_us_59fb5b64e4b0415a420a5975">the official pizza of the alt-right</a>) owner John Schnatter made headlines earlier this week for <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/1/16592402/papa-johns-nfl-protests-pizza-peyton-manning">blaming slumping pizza sales</a> on the NFL anthem protests. Or was it really a <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-nfls-stupid-pizza-wars-were-always-coming-1820092109">Jerry Jones ploy</a> to deflect from his <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/11/2/16598884/papa-johns-stock-rapping-jerry-jones-ad-cowboys-connection">abandoned rap career</a>!? We may never know. What we do know, however, is so mind-numblingly dumb that Papa Johns released a statement yesterday <a href="http://www.sacbee.com/news/business/article182822756.html">discouraging racists from buying their pizza</a>. This is 2017 America, friends! In other news, former Niners QB and instigator of current protests C-Kaep has filed <a href="https://www.si.com/nfl/2017/10/15/colin-kaepernick-collusion-lawsuit-against-nfl">a collusion case against the NFL</a> and, *oh snap*, <a href="https://deadspin.com/report-roger-goodell-will-be-asked-turn-over-cell-reco-1820156811">the phones and email</a> of NFL Commissioner and some team owners are to be turned over. Along those same lines, after Texas Houstons owner Bob McNair stated last week in reference to the anthem protests, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1e1e1e; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/29/16566508/texans-players-protest-owner-bob-mcnair-inmates">“We can't have the inmates running the prison,”</a> nearly <a href="https://deadspin.com/almost-every-houston-texan-takes-a-knee-following-owner-1819955226">the entire side kneeled</a>. I'm tired of thinking about this... onto the games!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgClNqJ48YQGKBwtQT3BL4KayzH9LpDIld4aJ2L1OTlU4u3RzZU_MnoPi-zlaQGCFmksvr13IcGGKyxuHgDEhfOODcWdCbyaWOyaDQ7tz2gyTt2cj5qk_zd4z1ZuHZP0_toQm_5BDGFF6y7/s1600/syncrefs.0+%25281%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="551" height="347" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgClNqJ48YQGKBwtQT3BL4KayzH9LpDIld4aJ2L1OTlU4u3RzZU_MnoPi-zlaQGCFmksvr13IcGGKyxuHgDEhfOODcWdCbyaWOyaDQ7tz2gyTt2cj5qk_zd4z1ZuHZP0_toQm_5BDGFF6y7/s640/syncrefs.0+%25281%2529.gif" width="640" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>TNF:</u></b> You hate Thursday Night Football <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/3/16604650/richie-incognito-thursday-night-football">like everyone else</a>, in which the N-Y-J-E-S-T <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/11/4/16606450/nfl-video-meme-jets-dance-to-anything">danced themselves</a> to victory against a Bills franchise that is <a href="https://deadspin.com/are-the-bills-actually-good-theyre-getting-there-1820077926">maybe not good</a>, but at least getting better with the <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/2/16599512/kelvin-benjamin-buffalo-bills-trade-panthers">acquisition of WR Kelvin Benjamin</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1pm</u></b> (PJ Leahy's, LIC, NYC): </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After spectating a Dirty Birds 10-second runoff victory #irl (in which the </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/29/16567182/grady-jarrett-spike-interception-falcons-jets" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">spike was intercepted</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">), the Falcons visit </span><a href="http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/9481929/cam-newton-carolina-panthers-remains-fan-atlanta-falcons" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">their favorite fan</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> in Panthers QB Cam Newton. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The TB Bucs bring the </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/30/16568128/jameis-winston-tampa-bay-buccaneers-2017" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">same old</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> Jameis Winston to the Hotel Katrina. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Eagles, enhanced by <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-dolphins-were-fed-up-with-jay-ajayi-and-the-eagles-1820016519">picking up RB Jay Ajayi</a> from MIA, look to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/29/16567178/alshon-jeffery-baseball-celebration-charge-mound-eagles-49ers">charge the mound</a> against a</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> Denver Broncos squadron that </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/1/16588662/brock-osweiler-broncos-starter-week-9-eagles-trevor-siemian" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">continues to pursue</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> the </span><a href="https://sports.theonion.com/is-it-time-for-the-osweiler-family-to-admit-the-brock-o-1820135808" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">failed Brock Osweiler experiment</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> because it's not as bad as Trevor Siemian. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/10/29/16567128/chuck-pagano-happy-sad-colts-challenge-fumble">equal parts sad and confused</a> Colts have <a href="https://deadspin.com/colts-give-up-shut-down-andrew-luck-for-the-season-1820083896">shut down QB</a> <a href="https://deadspin.com/im-worried-about-andrew-luck-1819975930">Andrew Luck</a> and will <a href="https://247sports.com/Bolt/Shaq-Lawson-inadvertently-coins-nickname-for-Jacoby-Brissett-42327722">fire up the Brisket</a>, as they host divisional rival Texas Houstons who will also be <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/3/16600512/deshaun-watson-injury-bill-obrien-texans-jaguars-titans">without their</a> <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/platform/amp/2017/10/30/16570890/deshaun-watson-texans-seahawks-richard-sherman-russell-wilson-rookie-of-the-year">really impressive</a> starting QB </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">for the remainder of the season, but look to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/1/16587322/jadeveon-clowney-texans-defense-destroyer-of-worlds-seahawks-game">wreck everything</a> just the same.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>4pm-ish:</u></b> The Seattle Seahawks and <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/1/16592016/russell-wilson-pete-carroll-halloween-costume">QB Pete Carroll</a> plan to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/29/16567780/seahawks-texas-incompletion-fumble-smart-challenge">fumble forward</a> as they host the other team from Washington. The Dallas Cowboys and owner The Double J aim to <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/31/16581230/jerry-jones-ezekiel-elliott-roger-goodell-suspension">not overreact</a> in a tough home game against the KC Reidskins, but can at least can rely on the services of <a href="https://deadspin.com/ezekiel-elliott-who-was-suspended-un-suspended-suspe-1820111731">suspended, unsuspended, suspended, unsuspended, and suspended, but now unsuspended again</a> star RB Zeke Elliot.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>SNF:</u></b> The <strike>Oakland</strike> Las Vegas Raiders visit the <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-miami-dolphins-make-no-sense-1819916552">nonsensical</a> MIA Fins and </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/11/5/16606842/ndamukong-suh-miami-dolphins-emergency-kicker-cody-parkey" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">emergency kicker</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> Ndamukong Suh.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>MNF:</u></b> With all of the <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=sexual+assault+accusations&oq=sexual+assault+accusations&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.6191j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8">sexual assault accusations</a> currently flying around, will the GB Pack continue to get <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/10/22/16516798/saints-packers-fans-got-extremely-friendly-with-aaron-jones-lambeau-leap">so friendly with their players</a> as they host division rival D'town Lions.</span>nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903178246971412731.post-55589574035577159962017-10-29T08:54:00.000-04:002017-10-29T08:54:18.824-04:00i <heart> nfl: jeff sessions<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm taking in an NFL game #irl, so let's get to it!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>TNF:</u></b> My beloved Ravens s<a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/26/16556360/ravens-dolphins-cat-on-the-field">tomped</a> a <a href="https://deadspin.com/the-miami-dolphins-make-no-sense-1819916552">nonsensical</a> MIA Fins side 40-0, and Ravens QB Joe Flacco was </span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">severely concussed after an elite, </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/27/16556422/joe-flacco-late-slide-dangerous-kiko-alonso-ravens-dolphins" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">er late</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">, slide.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>SMF:</u></b> As much as <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/26/16553584/browns-kenny-britt-london-vikings">they hate it</a>, the Browns travel to London <a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/27/16537180/browns-joe-thomas-injury-trade-rumors-tradition">without center Joe Thomas</a> as they 'host' the Minnie Vikes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>Sun 1pm</u></b> (<a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/snoopy-has-been-fired-by-metlife-1476966706">former Snoopy Stadium</a>, East Rutherford, NJ!): The Santa Clara Niners question the <a href="https://deadspin.com/49ers-ask-their-fans-if-winning-is-important-1819907224">futility of victory</a>. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My Dirty Birds are becoming the </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/23/16526582/julio-jones-touchdown-malcolm-butler-patriots-bring-that-ass-here-boii" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Angry Birds</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, as the offense is </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/23/16523616/steve-sarkisian-falcons-offense-struggles" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">struggling to take off</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> under </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/24/16528002/nfl-coaching-mistakes-2017-week-7-dan-quinn-steve-sarkisian-falcons-chuck-pagano" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">OC Steve Sarkisian</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, and yours truly will be there to </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/23/16520346/sunday-night-football-camera-angle-fog" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">lift the fog</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> on this offense in </span><a href="http://ftw.usatoday.com/2017/10/nfl-weather-noreaster-impacts-games-jets-eagles-patriots-redskins" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a torrential downpour</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> that will certainly delay the J-E-T-S. </span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.charlotteobserver.com/sports/nfl/carolina-panthers/nfl-blog/article179813471.html" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">most consistent plays</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> from the Panthers as of late consist of Cam Newton </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/25/16548534/cam-newton-leaves-interview-panthers" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">rage-quitting on press conferences</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> as they look to </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/25/16432398/roberto-aguayo-sign-panthers-bucs" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">kick it</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> against the Bucs. </span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">The Cincy Bagels look to </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/2017/10/22/16517416/vontaze-burfict-bengals-steelers-kick-dirty-play" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">kick it</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> against a Colts squadron that is </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/t-y-hilton-apologizes-for-correctly-pointing-out-his-t-1819782776" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">sorry their team sucks</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><u>4pm-ish:</u></b> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Seahawks will have plenty of time for </span><a href="https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2017/10/27/16559502/seahawks-techno-thursday-russell-wilson" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">day-time EDM dance parties</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> once they're </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/fw-fw-the-seahawks-are-getting-kicked-out-of-the-nfl-1819817907" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">kicked out of the league</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> for DUR DURKA DURRRRRR disrespectin' the flag as the Houston <a href="https://deadspin.com/bob-mcnairs-really-stepped-in-it-now-1819918884">Inmates</a> look to run the <a href="https://deadspin.com/bob-mcnair-issues-new-explanation-for-inmates-comment-1819940892">Prison</a> of CenturyLink Field. </span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">We'll see if the FaceTime put in by Washington </span><i style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">[Redacted]</i><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> QB Kirk Cousins counts against division rival Cowboys </span><a href="https://deadspin.com/the-cowboys-safety-had-to-replace-their-kicker-and-he-w-1819769910" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">kicking it from safety</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">No time for the night games, as it's time for your truly to tailgate in the rain!</span></div>
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nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15074859486113112923noreply@blogger.com0