Sunday, November 5, 2017

i <heart> nfl: ryan zinke

Welcome to another week of NFL in our stupid world! Indicative of the Great Unravelling, Papa Johns (the official pizza of the alt-right) owner John Schnatter made headlines earlier this week for blaming slumping pizza sales on the NFL anthem protests. Or was it really a Jerry Jones ploy to deflect from his abandoned rap career!? We may never know. What we do know, however, is so mind-numblingly dumb that Papa Johns released a statement yesterday discouraging racists from buying their pizza. This is 2017 America, friends! In other news, former Niners QB and instigator of current protests C-Kaep has filed a collusion case against the NFL and, *oh snap*, the phones and email of NFL Commissioner and some team owners are to be turned over. Along those same lines, after Texas Houstons owner Bob McNair stated last week in reference to the anthem protests, “We can't have the inmates running the prison,” nearly the entire side kneeled. I'm tired of thinking about this... onto the games!

TNF: You hate Thursday Night Football like everyone else, in which the N-Y-J-E-S-T danced themselves to victory against a Bills franchise that is maybe not good, but at least getting better with the acquisition of WR Kelvin Benjamin.

Sun 1pm (PJ Leahy's, LIC, NYC): After spectating a Dirty Birds 10-second runoff victory #irl (in which the spike was intercepted), the Falcons visit their favorite fan in Panthers QB Cam Newton. The TB Bucs bring the same old Jameis Winston to the Hotel Katrina. The Eagles, enhanced by picking up RB Jay Ajayi from MIA, look to charge the mound against a Denver Broncos squadron that continues to pursue the failed Brock Osweiler experiment because it's not as bad as Trevor Siemian. The equal parts sad and confused Colts have shut down QB Andrew Luck and will fire up the Brisket, as they host divisional rival Texas Houstons who will also be without their really impressive starting QB for the remainder of the season, but look to wreck everything just the same.

4pm-ish: The Seattle Seahawks and QB Pete Carroll plan to fumble forward as they host the other team from Washington. The Dallas Cowboys and owner The Double J aim to not overreact in a tough home game against the KC Reidskins, but can at least can rely on the services of suspended, unsuspended, suspended, unsuspended, and suspended, but now unsuspended again star RB Zeke Elliot.

SNF: The Oakland Las Vegas Raiders visit the nonsensical MIA Fins and emergency kicker Ndamukong Suh.

MNF: With all of the sexual assault accusations currently flying around, will the GB Pack continue to get so friendly with their players as they host division rival D'town Lions.

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