Welcome to Week 12: Thanksgiving Edition of NFL action! By virtue of the holiday, three games have already been played, but since BYE weeks are now over, we still have 13 matchups to complete for the remainder of the weekend. In other news, you are probably aware that the NFL can't stick to sports and it's all the NFL's fault, so the NFL may go back to keeping players stay in the locker room during the anthem. NFL Shadow Commissioner Jerry Jones as threatening to go after actual NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell 'with everything he has,' but instead is pissing off all the other owners with his 'antics' and now they're looking for a way to remove him. Also, Papa John's Pizza has apologized for blaming slumping sales on the national anthem protests. Oh vey! In lighter news, it's very appropriate that the Georgia Dome, former home of the Atlanta Falcons, was demolished the same day they played the Seahawks. However, Seahawks HC and 9-11/truther Pete Carroll must be pissed off he couldn't get a full view because the game was in Seattle. And in other Atlanta-related news, here's Chad Ochocinco busting his ass on a skateboard.
Thanksgiving: The Minnie Vikes are attempting the challenge of becoming the first team to play the Super Bowl at home, as they edged out the division rival D'town Lions. The Double J has threatened his Cowboys to play better or else, but it seems now that fans have discovered the conspiracy against them, the Cowboys can turn things around after losing to the LA Chargers, who are the only team looking to win the AFC West. Yule like that the Washington [Redacted] overcame the adversity of playing on their home turf to earn those sweet potato yams and showed the NYFG another way to fail so that these kids will be fired.
Sun 1pm (PJ Leahy's, LIC, NYC): Having barely made it out of Mexico City without any earthquakes or volcanic eruptions, the NE Pats host a Cutler-less MIA Dolphins. The Buffalo Bills still can't decide whether they like throwing 5 interceptions in a half or not, as they take on a KC Reidskins side featuring a landlocked Revis Island and interceptions thrown by QB and TE alike. After embarrassing the depleted Seattle secondary, it shouldn't be much of a puzzle for my Dirty Birds to bring those same talents to the TB Bucs defense, with everyone's favorite Harvard grad Ryan Fitzpatrick shaving during No Shave November.
4pm-ish: NO! God damn it, no! This AFC West rival game will appear on both of our TVs, featuring between the Broncos, who are a mess and just fired their OC, and the Raiders, who blow their plays before they even start. LA Rams QB Jared Goff's play calls won't even need to be lip synced as they host the NO Aints, who are missing their signature team photo celebration.
SNF: The Yinzburgh Steelers look to fumble forward against a disappearing GB Pack squadron that is looking to not get shut out again.
MNF: My beloved Ravens aim to leap to victory and coordinate a win against a Texas Houstons QB who was born to be strip-sacked.