No time to discuss which NFL owners appeared in the Paradise Papers this week because we're running late. Onto the games!
TNF: In a game that should be illegal, the Seattle Seahawks dispatched division rival Zony Cards yet lost CB Richard Sherman for the season to a ruptured Achilles.
Sun 1pm: Just like the fans that need to get drunk or high to watch the Browns, the players apparently do as well, as they unstrategically fuck up on the field and off and look to be rocked and socked by the D'town Lions. While he may want to eat that W with all the voracity of crab legs stolen from the local Publix, Tampa Bay QB Jameis Winston will be joining suspended WR Mike Evans on the bench while his throwing shoulder heals as they face a NY J-E-T-S squadron that will dance to anything. The Colts very public ruining of franchise QB Andrew Luck is apparently just inside his head as they face a conditioned Yinzburgh Steelers offense that has a license to drive.
4pm-ish: There's no time to contemplate dropping it like it's hot against a division rival last week, as my frustrated Dirty Birds look to rebound against a Cowboys without their star suspended, unsuspended, suspended, unsuspended, suspended, unsuspended, but now suspended again RB and with an owner who is totally fucking around with the NFL Commissioner. There are literally no words for how bad the NYF Giants have been under the soon-to-be-ending stewardship of HC Ben McAdoo, as they seek to rid themselves of Manningface and are underdogs against a winless Niners team.
SNF: The NE Pats bring #fakenews of conflict between HC Bill Belichick and Tom Brady's personal snake oil salesmen Alex Guerrero to Denver to face a still-bad Brock Osweiler and his Broncos.
MNF: Panthers QB Cam Newton aims to steer right into that iceberg as they face the notoriously inconsistent MIA Fins in primetime.