Happy Thanksgiving to you all! For the curious, here's the history of why the Detroit Lions and Dallas Cowboys became national football viewing on Thanksgiving Day. Your Thanksgiving turkey wasn't the only prominent bird this week, with both Cincy LB Vontaze Burfict and Seattle WR Doug Baldwin fined for flipping it this past weekend. In commemoration of the first MNF in Mexico, local artists have re-done all 32 teams' helmets. And by pushing the point-after-touchdown from the 2 to the 15-yard line, we witnessed a record 12 missed extra points last week.
ThxDF: The Vikings killed the sound guy, then everyone else died of natural causes during Aretha Franklin's beautiful rendition of the nation anthem, finally ending in a fourth-quarter comeback and controversial interception by the vengeful Lions over the tricky Vikings. How do you like the DC Fighting Snyders now that they started unloading the clip, but then pulled out, as the Dallas Cowboys disposed of them properly before a national Thanksgiving audience. Good Luck to the Colts chances of making the playoffs after being decimated by the Yinzburgh Stillers, who were merciful enough not to flying-kick their punter into oblivion.
Sun 1pm: My beloved Ravens don't give a fuck about the season of woes experienced by the Cincy Bagels, as they look to pick them apart. While achieving win-to-footception parity and forcing their first turnover since Week 4, the Jacksonville Jaguars are tired of losing to the dildo-tossing Bills. Let's give thanks that both Zony Cards HC Bruce Arians and former Dirty Bird WR Roddy White are alive this Thanksgiving. The Tennessee Titans are resorting to napping to prevent themselves from jumping offsides, as they travel to a Chicago Bears team that is having trouble quitting smoking Jay Cutler.
4pm-ish: The NE Pats will start a speedier Tom Brady as they visit the N-Y-J-E-T-S to celebrate the fourth anniversary of the Buttfumble together. The world's been going to shit since God is too busy helping wide receiver Russell Wilson and the Seattle Seahawks recover from early-season stumbles, and now Seattle will face the too-hot-to-handle TB Bucs.
SNF: The Denver Broncos will exhibit laser focus on the very real problems with the KC Reidskins, as they hope to acquire another Peyton Manning to carry them far in the postseason.
MNF: The underrated Philly Iggles tire of their own running backs and the badness of the GB Packers.