Sunday, November 20, 2016

i <heart> nfl: san junipero

Another week, another report on the health of NFL players that will be ignored. While the Carolina Panthers have been the face of the NFL's concussion struggle, most recently this past Thursday night, stalwart deniers such as Cowboys owner the Double J continue to downplay the link between concussion and CTE. Just tape an aspirin to it and let boys be boys!

TNF: Fancy-footed TD celebration enthusiast Cam Newton and his Panthers blocked the NO Saints from winning, yet suffered the devastating loss of LB Luke Kuechly to concussion.

Sun 1pm: The LA Rams, who have more success winning when they don't score touchdowns, will finally start their first-round draft pick at QB as they face the MIA Fins in their quest for 7-9After regretting that purchase of massage chairs, can not-elite-about-passion QB Joe Flacco and OLB Hacksaw Smithers outmaneuver the arm of Dak Prescott, the best offensive line in football, and the clipboard of Tony Romo, to propel my beloved Ravens over the red-hot Dallas Cowboys? The Vikings finally relieved themselves of their kicking nightmare, as well as three offensive tackles to injury, as patriotic Zony Cards QB Carson Palmer gives proof through the tights that his junk is still there. Viewers and players alike will be napping through this AFC South matchup between the rival Titans and Colts.

4pm-ish: The Philly Eagles need a tough road win to stay competitive in their division as they are hosted by the mathematically illiterate Seattle Seahawks. Voters in Massachusetts just legalized weed in the state, yet Gronk has already taken his biggest hit ever. While the Pats obviously should have run the ball on 4th down, they should get their swagger back as they visit the Santa Clara Niners.

SNF: The DC Poopy Buttholes and their RB Fat Rob host a GB Packers squadron that has cut off its relationship with winning.

MNF: ¡¡¡Viva de México!!! In a homecoming for the Oakland Raiders, the Texas Houstons aren't allowed outside their hotel room.

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