Saturday, November 12, 2016

i <heart> nfl: shut up and dance

With our new national nightmare upon us, it's tempting to bury yourself in the sweet relief of sports and forget about our country's current political discourse. But then we'd be just as bad as NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell asking teams to stop commenting on concussions, because hey, if you don't hear about it, it must not happen. And he's even blaming the misogynist comments of el Presidente-electo for making his job more difficult as it relates to punishing players for domestic abuse. So instead, I posit that we should use sports to bring us together by enjoying them with each other. Regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, religion, nationality, or sexual orientation, we can come together to root for our respective teams while engaging in constructive discourse, perhaps enlightening each other with differing viewpoints and concerns. And I, for one, will stop being lazy and watching the games at home. Just let me know where to meet you.

I'm currently in Nashville, so all times CST, just to keep you on your toes!

TNF: While promising a win this season, Brown did not deliver this week against my beloved Ravens, who are back to their old ways of fighting with everyone.

Sun Noon (M.L. Rose on Franklin, Nashville): Welcome to the Bronn Bowl: My Dirty Birds take on my wife's Eagles with only a week and a half of rest under their wings. The DC Fightin Snyders elect to continue with beastiality on the field as they battle the Minnie Vikes and their innovatively imploding offense. The Saints D will still remain focused against Denver's apathetic offense, but how will NO's versatile scoring weapons handle Broncos OLB and GWAR member Von Miller? In Nashville it seems that every Packers fan who wasn't birth-righted into season tickets at Lambeau is here for tomorrow's game against the Titans, where they hope to be captivated by an energetic Packers offense rather than a squirrel on the field. LA Rams HC Jeff Fisher is treating LA to the same kind of "7-9 bullshit" he was famous for in St Louis by steadfastly refusing to start the No. 1 overall pick, thereby ensuring a punt is the longest play of the day, as they take on an N-Y-J-E-T-S squadron that is finding more success with rugby because they suck at football and is fining players for missing their own birthday parties.

3pm-ish: The two most deplorable fan bases in the league meet for 'Murica's Game of the Week: In no certain terms, QB Dak Prescott will start over the healthy-enough-to-be-backup Tony Romo, as the Dallas Cowboys face the Yinzburgh Stillers, kickster Chris Boswell, and QB Ben Roethlisberger's big assI'm just saying this will be one of San Diego's last home games, as their classy residents voted not to funnel tons of taxpayer money into a new stadium. The future LA Superchargers host an MIA Fins squadron featuring the breakout running back everyone's talking about that isn't a squirrel.

SNF: If playing until the whistle is wrong, then even given issues with ball security, CB Richard Sherman doesn't wanna be right, as he and his Seahawks attempt to magically defeat TE Bon Jovi and supporters of the President-elect NE Pats in this recent Super Bowl rematch.

MNF: NYFG HC Ben McAdoo knew that stats are for losers even before this week's election, as his much improved defense hosts the Cincy Bagels.

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