Sunday, December 4, 2016

i <heart> nfl: hated in the nation

Well I've got a pre-football brunch to attend before today's viewing of the games. In the mean time, let SBNation's Matt Ufford help you get your hate on.

TNF: Unlike Minnesota public officials in luxury boxes, Vikings HC Mike Zimmer was one of the few who didn't view the most-watched TNF ever, as the daddy and his 'Boys survived the dinking, dunking, and doinking of the Viking's offense.

Sun 1pm (PJ Leahy's, LIC): After their unbelievable OT FG win, the KC Reidskins best chance for victory is if ATL WR Julio Jones misses the bus, but it's more likely my Dirty Birds will run through them as if they were in slow motionLA Rams extensively mediocre HC/elite troll is proud of his rookie QB's ability to perform basic functions, as they and Georgia Tech RB Todd Gurley prepare to take on the nonexistent RBs of the NE Pats, the large-party-bus-sized hole in their offense due to the latest incarnation of the Madden Curse, and the unimpressive fan noise at Foxboro. Will the persistent memories of the Philadelphia Cream Cheeseheads assist them in defeating the flopping Cincy Bagels? Lots of kicking points is updog, as my beloved Ravens look to hold the streaking MIA Fins to crappy teams and give them the shaft.

4pm-ish: After dislocating his pinkie finger inside his center's black hole, Oakland QB Derek Carr and his perhaps-not-future-Las-Vegas Raiders host a surging Bills offense, thanks to a new OC and an Iroquois war god at guard.

SNF: Karma is the reason the Panthers won't be in the playoff yesterday, but now that roughing the passer is finally getting called in favor of QB Cam Newton, Seattle's defense might not be celebrating with wings and beer

MNF: A game that would've been flexed if it were Sunday night, the N-Y-J-E-T-S will attempt further butt touchdowns against a Colts squadron that are 5-6 because they're still in playoff contention.

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