By now you are certainly familiar with the Islamic State's terrorist attack in Paris. Striking a soccer game between the mens' national teams of France and Germany and a concert headlining the American (not metal) band The Eagles of Death Metal, hundreds of sport and music fans in the city were killed or injured. The hearts of us at 'i <heart> nfl' go out to the victims of this atrocity and their friends and family, and hope that, while you take in the action this weekend, yours does as well.
No better segue from horrific sadness to meaningless shit-talking than this TD celebration
TNF: In a game that was more painful to watch than your standard J-E-T-S/Bills fare, Bills coach Rex Ryan celebrated his upset of the team that dumped him.
Sun 1pm (Kraftwork, Fishtown, Philly): The Tennessee Flaming Thumbtacks need to be both good and lucky against the Carolina Panthers, who had the audacity to honor the troops without using your tax dollars. My beloved Ravens host the Jacksonville Diarrhea. The StL Rams welcome da Bears to their city by removing their Wall of Death, but will the best Chicago QB in history care? Fans of the Dallas Cowboys are innocent until proven guilty of booing the wrong player as they take on the equally sullied TB Bucs. You'd think people in Detroit would be used to losing their jobs, but apparently Lions HC Jim Caldwell's dim prospects keep him there against the GB Packers and their destruction of the Official Tablet of the NFL. Johnny Fucking Football will start while others wish to join the Cleveland Browns' battle against the possibly Big Ben-less Yinzburgh Stillers. You like that titty-twisted Washington Hot Octopuss will be Slutseeking a victory against the Nawlins Aints.
4pm-ish: Tom Brady liked Ndamunkong Suh stomping on his balls so much, he ran the NYC Marathon afterwards, so any sickness he might experience won't hurt the NE Pats' chances against the NYF Giants, albeit amidst arsonists attending and an ambidextrous ODB.
SNF: After getting revenge on Jimmy Fallon, feeding the homeless, and funding a kid's sneaker collection, the Seattle Seahawks are woefully unprepared for this matchup against current division rival Zony Cards.
MNF: The past two weeks of surprisingly close games comes to an end as the undefeated Cincy Bagels host the decrepit Texas Houstons.