I was so ready to enjoy a cup of coffee while neglecting the 9:30am game in London this morning, but there wasn't one! The NFL will exploiting that level of acclamation by scheduling more regular-season games in London next year. In other NFL news that makes me sad: Dallas DE Greg Hardy's off-the-field handiwork was on display week as pictures of his beaten ex-girlfriend emerged, yet support from Cowboys owner and noted serial-groper The Double J remains unwavering. It turns out your tax dollars were funding all those patriotic game-time displays. And we learn that ATL rap duo OutKast could have been the Super Bowl halftime performers. Sadness, indeed!
Ahhhh the majestic stiff arm
TNF: The Battle for Ohio and the Color Orange resulted in the Cincy Bagles exploiting the holes in the Cleveland defense.
Sun 1pm: Jar Jar Binks is clearly behind the NE Pats' dumb luck as they face the Washington Red Skinflutes, who are rather concerned with finding names more offensive than their own. YOU LIKE THAT!? The MIA Fins won't be bullied by Buffalo coach Rex Ryan and their loser fans. Can the Carolina Panthers pound their way to an undefeated 7-1 record as they host the GB Packers?
4pm-ish (PJ Leahy's, LIC): Yo Gabbert Gabbert! After losing faith in C-Kaep, the Silicon Valley 110001ers are substituting QB Blaine Gabbert under center as they host my Dirty Birds. Correction: THIS week the NYF Giants get a hand on defense against the TB Bucs. And another battle between differing Peyton Manning jerseys takes place.
SNF: The mother Eagle fed the city of Philadelphia its own citizens as they make the flight to Jerryland to face the Dallas Cowboys led by QB Stone Cold Steve Austin.
MNF: This week's snoozefest features King Laserface against the unlikable smoking version of Andrew Luck.