In case of any pauses in the action this week, here are a couple think-pieces for you to contemplate. This season's complete history of what constitutes a catch, and how is it that so many Samoans find their was into the NFL? Enjoy the action this week!
Excessive Celebration \ik-ˈse-siv ,se-lə-ˈbrā-shən\ (noun):
TNF: This typically forgettable match between 2-7 and 3-6 teams surprisingly had playoff implications, given that it was between the rival Titans and Jaguars in the woeful AFC South.
Sun 1pm (PJ Leahy's, LIC, NYC): The undefeated 8-1 Carolina Panthers and QB/poor example Cam Newton host the Washington Dick Balls, and you like that they can't get a trademark on it. Hopefully the bye week gave my Dirty Birds HC Dan Quinn time to bone up on his sums and learn to call plays that increase the Falcons' win probability, while OC Kyle Shanahan pushes the tempo on offense, against an un-Luck-y and fractured Colts franchise featuring not even Jason Campbell at QB. The MIA Fins are the saftiest team in football as they welcome QB Tony Romo's return to the Dallas Cowboys. After losing a game due to an officiating error instead of their own shittiness, my beloved WWE Ravens entertain the Seattle Seahawks' little brothers. The stoic D'town Lions host the Oakland Jaggalos. After surpassing the Deer Hunter for all-time passing yards, Denver Broncos QB Peyton Manning threw four interceptions for a QB rating of 0.0 in the worst game of his life, and was benched for former backup QB/likely current weatherman Brock Osweiler, who will start against da Bears, whose field is as drunk as their fans, yet somehow possess a gameplan that makes sense. TB Bucs QB Jameis Winston is hoping you're watching the action this Sunday, instead of this documentary premiering on CNN highlighting his alleged campus raping while they battle the Sanchized Philadelphia Iggles and HC Chip Kelly's four minor offensive changes.
4pm-ish: GB Packers QB Aaron Rodgers will play with a sore Olivia Munn against the surging Minnie Vikes. The rival Santa Clara Niners and Seattle Seahawks, recently dominating the NFC West, battle for the cellar spot in the division.
SNF: The now-defeated Cincy Bagels led by QB Red Ryder face the Zony Cards' crotch-chopping QB Carson Palmer and his buddies Pup, Phil, and Sugar Cane.
MNF: The NE Pats, along with a fancy dog and Bobby Flay's sister's boyfriend, look to roll over a Bills squadron whose fans are more concerned with defeating furniture.