Sunday, December 7, 2014

i <heart> nfl: andy dalton

I grew up in the ATL burbs listlessly watching Falcons games on Sunday. Moving to Baltimore after college, my friends instilled appreciation of The Game into me, and I became a fan of both the NFL and the Ravens. I started a bowling team in grad school consisting of fans of the Packers, Bears, Seahawks, Colts, Skins, and Cowboys. I hung out at a local Midwest bar that had Sunday ticket with an old Browns and Niners fan. And then I went and married an Eagles fan! Now we're a Falcons/Ravens/Packers/Bears/Seahawks/Colts/Skins/Cowboys/Browns/Niners/Eagles family, controlling 34% of NFL teams and earning tens of billions yearly in revenue. 

TNF: Jay Cutler doesn't care about how bad his team is beaten by the Cowboys.

This is what I think of your call!

Sun 1pm: In a concerted effort to protect their potentially high draft picks, fans of both New York NFL franchises recently took to the streets, shutting down bridges and tunnels as they demanded only fieldgoals from the J-E-T-S and Giants, especially given the strong draft-pick contenders they face in the Minnie Vikes and some other team, respectively. Houston FC's star footballer Arian Foster wishes the future London Jags a welcome Tally Ho! Much to the disappointment of Drake, Indy travels toHoyer Country to face the Browns, who are sitting on the fence of their first playoff appearance in, like, my lifetime. My beloved Ravens travel to the pastel lands of Miami, without star defensive end Haloti Ngata, who was suspended for focusing on the family. The StL Rams travel to the mess of FedEx field to face the Snyder Shitshows, a matchup of sadness you can see live for a cool three bucks.

4pm-ish (we're going out in LIC for this one!): The Bay Area matchup will be noted for how many hundreds of people get arrested in addition to the trolling of Niners QB Kaepernick, as those with expert knowledge prefer Oakland rookie Derek Carr. Also Jim Harbaugh will be freaking out on the opposite side of the field next time these teams meet. The matchup of the day features the pure offensive vs pure defensive as the Iggles host the Seahawks.

SNF: After losing to the Packers last week, the NE Pats are looking to throw their season away as theCurse of the Bieber befalls them, as travel to the Q to face the San Diego Superchargers.

MNF (Shi, LIC): My Dirty Birds will try not to be too embarrassed as they travel to Green Bay to battle the Pack.

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