Sunday, December 10, 2017

i <heart> nfl: ben carson

The big news this week is that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell will remain obscenely wealthy after his $200 million five-year contract extension. Also, there's been some coach/GM firings, as you'll read below.

TNF: The NO Aints don't remember choking against my Dirty Birds in an exciting matchup featuring lots of interceptions, half-ending illegal formation penalties, WRs making open-field tackles, and a coach getting flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct. 

Sun 1pm: Good news for fans of Manningface! The NYFG have mercifully fired both head coach and general manager and QB Eli Manning is back as the starter against the underperforming Dallas Cowboys. The (Cleveland) Browns fired (GM Sashi) Brown on their way to the 0-16 parade, but at least WR Josh Gordon is back to lighting things up on the field, as they host a GB Packers team biding time until the return of Aaron Rodgers.

4pm-ish: As a fan of parlays, it's good to know that the 3-9 Denver Broncos can still make the playoffs if these 27 results go just right, the first of which is a win against the N-Y-J-E-T-S. After QB Russell Wilson prepared himself with Google and their WRs prepared themselves for shittalk with Richard Sherman, can the Seattle Seahawks perform another Galilean transformation for the win against a suddenly dangerous Jax Jags defense and their bologna-sandwich-enjoying head coach? The LA Rams have put out a literal casting call for "fans" to "cheer" for their "favorite team" against a Philly Eagles squadron that can likely boast more of their own new worst fans in attendance.

SNF: Fresh off a heated division rivalry that witnessed players lost to injury and suspension alike, the Yinzburg Steelers face another heated division rivalry in my beloved yet not-quite-elite Ravens looking to eat another W

MNF: QB, purveyor of awkward social media, and whiny bitch Tom Brady is going to be with one less target after NE Pats TE Gronk was suspended for a bullshit late hit, as they take on a MIA Fins side that, err...., really loves football.

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