Sunday, September 25, 2016

i <heart> nfl: the entire history of you

It's time for the third week of NFL action, and all your favorite players are already injured. Especially if you're a Browns fan. If you finish this post and have some time to kill before the action starts, here's a compendium of players dropping the ball before the endzone and the La Croix flavor-generators for every NFL team.

 The tremendously incompetent Texas Houstons laid a goose egg against the NE Pats and their 3rd-string QB.

Sun 1pm (PJ Leahy's, LIC): The season's hopes are already fading for the imploding DC Fighting Snyders, but at least CB Josh Norman is now besties with NYG WR Odell Beckham Jr. After firing their competent scouts and injuring almost everyone, the Browns might try sacrificing themselves on the field to notch up a W against the Miami Fins. As the Minnetonka Queens set sail without RB Adrian Peterson to visit the Carolina Protests, can the Panthers make the Minnie fans shut the fuck up a little bit? Former TB Bucs WR Austin Seferian-Jenkins is likely representing himself after his DUI arrest, but at least he didn't hurt anyone, as they host the LA Rams, who are only good at playing the Seahawks.

4pm-ish: The Seattle Seahawks and Silicon Valley 110001ers will convene a conference on the state of policing in African-American communities, but are not sure the white people will join. The Philly Iggles and their two-handed monster look to work some magic against the visiting Yinzburgh Stillers.

SNF: It's probably time to write off this game, as da Bears QB Jay Cutler is injured and the Chicago defense has a knack for making rookie QB's look experienced.

MNF (PJ Leahy's... probably): The nation gathers around to select the lesser of two evils as my Dirty Birds check into the Hotel Katrina to face the hated NO Aints. Perhaps ATL can just get everyone to fight each other again.

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