TNF: The NY J-E-S-T defeated their former coach Rex Ryan, who starts the season already on the hot seat in Buffalo.
Sun 1pm (Kyle's couch, Chicago): It's NYC Fashion Week! And Panthers QB Cam Newton got his headshots just in time to meet the Santa Clara 49ers on the gridiron runway. A nice, clean game of football will be played between the Cincy Bagels and Yinzburgh Stillers. The DC Fightin' Snyders have no intention of using their secondary correctly against the Dallas Cowboy's star WR Dez Bryant. Yo (KC Reidskins HC) Andy, I'm gonna let you finish running out the clock with bad time management decisions, but (Houstons' WR) DeAndre Hopkins is one of the best runners after the catch in those fancy cleats. And my beloved Raven travel to the Factory of Sadness in an effort to improve to 2-0.
4pm-ish (O'Hare International Airport): Jim Irsay will continue to waste Andrew Luck's talent in a futile effort to defeat the Denver Broncos. My Dirty Birdy birds fly into the Black Hole in a likely shootout with the (future Las Vegas) Raiders.
SNF: The Minnie Vikes host the Pack for the first game in their brand new Jawa Sandcrawler.
MNF (Somewhere in Tempe, AZ): I see that the Eagles have already flown into Chi-town as da Bears host Philadelphia in a solo game of Monday night action.
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