Good morning to you all! While the games have already started thanks to the Brits getting an afternoon game, I am working hard to get this email out as half-fast as possible. General NFL news includes that Rogel Goodell will be compelled to testify about what the NFL knew regarding the Ray Rice videotape. TESTIFY.
GUYS... this isn't funny! You GUUUUUUYS
TNF: Leave it up to Peyton Manning to ruin Thursday night football again. While not quite a blowout, it was widely anticipated the Superchargers could make it a game against the Broncos.
SMF (9:30am): Tally-ho! In what is likely a dual bid to convince the Queen to allow Detroit to go into Canadian receivership while allowing Atlanta to get some practice in the home stadium of their division rival future London Bucs, this game takes place at Wembley Stadium. But this is the first time the NFL decided to give East Coasters the West Coast experience by not scheduling the game in accordance with usual football times. Hopefully this comes without the stabbings. In what looks like a metaphor for their season so far, my Dirty Birds don't know where they're going. But don't worry, I made an ATL victory a virtual lock by starting Matt Stafford in fantasy.
1pm: In a seamless continuation of our 14 hours of glorious football, my Bodymore Ravens get hosted by the red hot Cincy Bagels. Missouri loves company, fitting as the Stl Rams visit the KC Reidskins. Da Bears can't win at home, perhaps they can at Foxborough against the NE Pats. The hapless Minny Vikes visit the hapless TB Bucs. Instead of playing a football game this week, the Texas Houstons will investigate the disappearance of the former Houston franchise. The Seattle Seahawks, in their quest to become a purely defensive unit, are shedding all players with any offensive production, and who better to show them how to do that than the Carolina Panthers.
4pm-ish: Stay tuned for the Sadness Bowl (editors note: I was gonna call it this even before I read the KSK post): the worst team in football 0-7 Oakland Raiders are hosted by the just-beaten-by-the-Jaguars Cleveland Browns. You made winners out of the Jags, Cleveland, are you sure you wanna do that again? The Eagles are looking to get a leg up on division rival Cowboys with a victory against the Zony Cards. That these two teams each have a single loss this season forbodes a quite watchable late afternoon game. Oh and also the Colts and Stillers are playing.
SNF: Will motivational posters be enough to motivate the NO Aints as the GB Packers check into the Hotel Katrina?
MNF: Save yourself the pain of watching another Cowboys victory and instead check out the wonderful South Park episode about the Washington R-words.