Saturday, January 7, 2017

i <heart> nfl: wildcard weekend!

Welcome to the playoffs that will culminate in Super Bowl LI!!! Congratulations to the Packers and Lions for joining the the postseason, although that had a lot more to do with the Washington [Redacted]'s loss than the game they actually played. Before anyone gets too cocky, here's the fatal flaw in each of your favorite teams. Onwards to the games!

Sat 4:35pm ABC (Campeon, Union Square, NYC): In his first pro start in the NFL and the postseason, Oakland Raiders 3rd-string rookie QB Connor Cook will start against big cash money former backup Texas Houstons QB Brock Osweiler, who is everything you want in a quarterback until he steps on the field, in the Meineke Car Care Bowl! Cook's MSU scouting report indicates the kind of leadership at the position that will at least bring us a lot of Marquette King action8:15pm NBC: While I'm quite certain that 2 pumps ends up being more expensive than 3 in the long run, the Seattle Seahawks host a D'town Lions team hoping to give Seattle the bird.

Sun 1:05pm CBS (Brazen Fox, Union Square, NYC): MIA Fins backup QB Matt Moore has an uphill battle against an inconsistent Yinzburgh Stillers squadron even if they spot them the W and I4:40pm FOX: Human civilization has reached peak Aaron Rodgers, as the QB successfully willed the Packers into the playoffs where they will face a stout NYF Giants defense that's been preparing for him with the aid of Madden. On the other side of the ball, QB Eli Manning is doing his part to metamorphosize from regular Eli into Playoff Eli while the receiving core is on a boat yet lacking the preparatory skills needed to bring their flippy-floppies.

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