Saturday, January 14, 2017

i <heart> nfl: divisional weekend!

Welcome to Rematch Weekend! That's right, each of these four games is a repeat contest from earlier in the season, with yours truly especially rooting for a reversal of prior fortunes. In the interest of public safety, the Steelters-Chiefs game has been pushed to the evening due to an ice storm in Kansas City. In other football news, the Superchargers officially moved to LA, the Raiders have filed relocation papers to move to Las Vegas, and Bo knows he wouldn't play football if he knew what he knows now. Onto the games!

Sat 4:35pm FOX (Barrow St Ale House, W Village, NYC): Even my Dirty Birds' ball boys are winning championships, as they host a Seattle Seahawks squadron that is trying to figure out what the hell they are, with only two original members of the Legion of Boom and an offensive line that's a liability against QB/fullback Russell Wilson. Seattle will certainly benefit from a late-game non-call while the City of Atlanta has already stolen their colors. 8:15pm CBS: Even though the NE Pats are going through the latest scandal of enjoying themselves on a boat, they won't need to cheat against a Texas Houstons franchise that hasn't figured out how to beat them. Pats TE Martellus Bennet in particular is looking forward to getting laid this evening while QB Tom Brady has had plenty of comfortable sleep, giving him the time to dream up ways to counter the Houstons' damn good defense.

Sun 4:40pm FOX (PJ Leahy's, LIC, NYC): After sinking the NYFG-men last week, GB Packers QB and King of the Hail Mary Aaron Rodgers and their offense look to light up the grass against the dominant Dallas Cowboys, whose star rookie RB Ezekiel Elliot recently received a good omen in the form of a car wreck. Fellow rookie QB Dak Prescott and star wideout Dez Bryant are the keys to keeping Green Bay's offense off the field. 8:20pm NBC: After executing the Dolphins QB last week, the Yinzburgh Stillers hope to hold back the productive KC Reidskins offense and force some classic Andy Reid clock management errors. The KC defense is not sure about which Ben Roethlisberger to prepare for, but I'd bet on the one with the needlessly hurt ankle.

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