i <heart> nfl: divisional weekend!

Welcome to the second week of playoff football! All the teams are playing this weekend, and most games are predicted to be close. While the definition of what constitutes a catch was last season's officiating controversy, this season it's the definition of forward progress, and it's already had quite an effect on Wildcard Weekend. In non-playoff-related NFL news, the Cleveland Browns' 0-16 perfect season parade went on as planned.

Sat 4:35pm NBC (My couch, Center City, Philly): It's too bad the Philadelphia Eagles won't soar with backup QB Nick Foles under center, and as the first No. 1 seed to open the postseason as an underdog, they face my Dirty Birds squadron that have found their defense at just the right time and whose o-line is literally carrying the offense. 8:15pm CBS: After catching his own touchdown pass led to a comeback win over the KC Reidskins (surprise!), QB Marcus Mariota and his Tennessee Titans look to make NE Pats QB Tom Brady look like Blake Bortles as their defense plans to be everywhere. Pats TE the Gronk, who knows not to eat Tide Pods (cause that's a thing for some reason) and has 69 receptions for the season, will be active for the game, whereas the superficially spiritual Tom Brady will put anything in his body his quack trainer tells him to.

Sun 1:05 CBS: After losing the battle of offensive incompetence, Jax Jags QB Blake Bortles, who already looks very much like Blake Bortles, travels to a Yinzburgh Tequila Cowboys Steelers team featuring star WR Antonio Brown as a game-time decision against a stout Jags defense. Not being able to predict the future, I can tell you that the Jags will never win the Super Bowl. 4:40pm FOX: The Minnie Vikes are hoping to be the first team to play the Super Bowl at home, as they host football team and Panthers new owner the NO Saints.