Sunday, January 21, 2018

i <heart> nfl: championship weekend!

Well this weekend isn't going to be great for NFL fans in the U.S. Military. Due to the government shutdown, nonessential services such as the Armed Forces Network are no longer broadcasting, depriving those stationed abroad from taking in the games. Those near USO Centers, in South Korea, Japan, Germany, and Italy, for example, will be able to stream the games through NFL Game Pass for free. For the rest of us, it's time for Championship Weekend!

Sun 3:05pm CBS (Gantry Bar, LIC, NYC): 
With everyone outside of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts rooting for the Jaguars, formerly-benched QB Blake Bortles and his pissed off Sacksonville Saguars take on the NE Pats and QB Tom Brady's mysterious hand injury. The Jag's clairvoyant defensive ends predict the Pats will be giving out turnovers as the defense talks an ungodly amounts of shit6:40pm FOX: Authorities in the City of Philadelphia are greasing the light poles in anticipation of a win from the underdog Eagles, who are again hosting a playoff game at the Linc, now with one third of their terrible field improved! After last week's 'Minnesota Miracle,' the Vikings' vicious defense faces an Eagles offensive line that bulldozed my Dirty Birds out of the playoffs last week. While the two Jeff Fisher-era Rams QB castoffs prepare for the big game, Vikes fans are taunting Philly residents by doing the 'Skol' chant on the Rocky Steps. Hmmm... I wonder what happened last time someone tried to troll people with that chant? Win or lose, Eagles fans are sure to punch horses, climb greased up poles, and destroy anything lying around, which makes me happy to watch this games from a safe distance in New York.

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